Peace Be With You

What brings you peace?

Prayers, always prayers🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

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Finally….

I was at the hospital early to get the results of my CBC with platelet count and my CT Stonogram. My RBC and WBC and my platelet count are elevated, all the rest are normal.

As for my scan, although not everything is okay, it does not mention the word carcinoma which I dreaded before back in 2009. I have to make a research on everything written on the results. My previous urologist said more than a decade ago that my cysts in the kidneys were not cancerous, they actually haven’t grown all these years. Maybe he really had a point. When I had my sigmoid surgery before, I also had gallstones but my surgical oncologist didn’t touch it, he said that if they were compared to windows, one is on the ground floor while the other is upstairs…haha! As long as I didn’t feel anything, he said it was okay.

I am sharing with you the result of my CT stonogram. I don’t want to keep it to myself because some of you are in the medical field and you understand better. They didn’t capture my reproductive organs because I no longer have one…hehe! It was a total hysterectomy back in the year 2000.

My endocrinologist has still to interpret this. I’ve always said now and again that God won’t give us crosses that we can’t bear. Remembering the words on Footprints in the Sand.

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It Is About Love

What sacrifices have you made in life?

I guess I won’t really call them sacrifice because I’ve done everything for the love of my family especially my kids.

Back in 1987, the ex-hubby went abroad to seek greener pastures. Nissa just started kindergarten and Josef just turned three. I was still working at the bank back then. We survived through careful planning through the help of two household helpers, one for the kids and the other one an all-around help. Almost every other year we would change helpers with my parents looking for reliable ones in the province. We had one for only a week and it turned out she was a thief. She took my necklace and wristwatch then suddenly decided to go home. My sis-in-law has seen her wearing both and when she confronted her, she denied it. I became wary of getting helpers who were not related to us. A cousin and an aunt stayed with us the longest time.

There was a time that we could no longer find reliable househelp so there was no option for me but to avail of an early retirement at the bank in the year 2000. Nissa has just started college and Josef was in high school. For so many years, I was their tatay con nanay (father and mother both). Although it was a bit hard staying at home and doing all the chores, we survived. My kids grew to be responsible individuals and they tried their best to succeed in their studies with both of them being honors students – Josef until high school and Nissa graduating Magna Cum Laude in college with a degree of BA Communication Arts. She is now a Senior Manager at the bank where I used to work. Josef is with JP Morgan Chase. He finished ECE.

As I’ve said, taking care of them and teaching them good values about life was not really a sacrifice. I am so glad that I have my own rewards, seeing them successful in their own careers.

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Glimpses….From The Heart

There are days when looking back is just as lovely as watching how the day unfolds.

When Friendster closed sometime last May 2011, I opted to share some of my blog posts at Facebook through their Notes. I wanted to preserve some writings I did before. Can’t believe I wrote this article fifteen years ago. That’s how long I have been blogging since Friendster days. If I remember I think I made another blog post here of similar title.

A friend says that it is the luxury of time that we lack nowadays and I say, if you allow yourself to think like that, then you would never enjoy the little things that contribute to the wonder of living. Give me the pleasure of watching the sun rise and visiting some place like Batanes and I would gladly trade it off with a three-course meal at Burgoo’s and a cup of latte at Starbucks.

Some people whine at every obstacle they find. They probably climbed the mountain too high and never noticed the beauty of the wayside flowers along their way nor the melodious tune of bird songs somewhere near. Life is a rat-raced competition, alright, but then in order to live fully, we must strike a balance between eking out a living and nourishing our souls.

Moments of bliss touch us everyday of our lives. The trick is to open our eyes and feel with our hearts. A few nights ago, as I was feeding our dog Boo, I noticed the myriad twinkling of night stars high up.I tried to locate the Big Dipper just like what our science teacher taught us in grade school. Here in the city, seldom do we see such an array of night lights like these. I felt quite small but proud to witness another wonder of God’s creation.

Yesterday on my way home from a party with my high school friends in Kamias, I passed by Robinson’s Galleria Foodcourt. There was an ongoing concert at the activity area, a group of three young men and a lady playing instrumental music. A kind of music that tease the senses and touch the hearts. They were about to start “The Promise”. Remember the song from the movie with the same title and the equally touching book of Danielle Steele? That book is a “must re-read” for me every time the red colored days of February come near. A sort of getting in touch with my romantic side and affirming my previous love for tear-jerker books and movies from way back. That song was followed by several more almost all of which brought tears to my eyes. It was truly an unexpected gift from above. I left the mall feeling uplifted – can you imagine that kind of sensation like you want to smile at everyone you meet? Or hug yourself because you were simply elated?

When winter ends, there is always a promise of spring. (February 10, 2008)

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Maundy Thursday

Today in the Catholic calendar is Holy Thursday. This morning, all Cathedrals in the country celebrated Chrism Mass, a renewal of vows of all priests. I greeted some of my priest friends this morning and they all responded. What a lovely way to spend the morning. This afternoon is the Evening Mass of the Lord’s Supper and the Reposition of the Blessed Sacrament which I’ll be attending online again.

I used to attend the evening last supper mass at St. Jude Parish when we were still living in Pasig City. They had these crates of pandesal which they distributed to the parishioners after the holy mass. The Altar of Repose are always nicely decorated at our town’s Shrine of Our Lady of Light. It is a temporary altar where the Communion hosts consecrated on Maundy Thursday during the mass of the Lord’s Supper are placed for use on Good Friday. The Manila Cathedral is now live and the mass is presided by His Eminence Jose F. Cardinal Advincula, the Archbishop of Manila.

Will do the fourteen stations of the cross tomorrow morning.

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Just Another Prompt

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

Not all of my friends knew that I underwent sigmoid surgery then six cycles of chemotherapy almost fourteen years ago but those who are close to me knew about what I went through back then. A friend who is a nun told me to keep the faith and she admired my bravery in facing this predicament. She had always told me before that I am a strong woman taking care of my two kids and at the same time keeping a job when the hubby went abroad to work.

Brave, strong and faithful to the Lord that He won’t abandon me. And the best compliment that I received? Despite everything that happened in my life, I am still standing tall.

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Hang In There

People see me as always positive in life. Even my kids believe that I could defeat (if that is the right word) all the hurdles in my path. Nissa always says that I’ve been through so much and here I am, still standing tall. Josef is confident that I won’t need another operation for me to get well.

I am blessed I have such supportive kids. I believe that we could always adjust to situations we find ourselves into. Hope and prayers will always be my guides. Sometimes though, I cry when I feel so much alone. Sometimes I need the physical presence of friends. Sometimes I find myself pretty weak too. Sure, I have lots of friends online including some of you here who make me feel blessed, more so with your inspiring comments, sharing lovely thoughts and praying for me. But there is a BUT there somewhere – hugs from friends I haven’t seen for so long, laughter shared and lots of stories too, affirmation that despite the years, I am still a lovable person. Would that be too much to ask? I hope not.

Life is beautiful, I agree but it is a great challenge too. When I could not sleep at night, I grasp my rosary and start praying. Sometimes, I can’t even finish the five decades and I fall asleep, finding bead marks on my face and arms too when I wake up. I always get to finish the glorious, joyful, sorrowful and mysteries of light while waiting for the doctor to see me. In every decade, I ask for petitions – health for me and the whole family, protection from harm for friends and family members, protection of our house and its suroundings, financial stability and world peace.

I know! I will always believe in a loving God who never get tired of accompanying me in my life’s journey. And I accept the saying that into each life, some rain must fall. Hang in there.

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An Image In The Mirror

Nissa told me that I’ve been through so much before and I am still here. Standing still used to be my favorite words for they connote being brave, not afraid of challenges, relying on a benevolent God to see me through all the problems and adversities in life. Standing still and facing life with all its angst and curve balls it throws my way.

In our main bedroom, we have this floor to ceiling cabinet and the sliding doors are made of mirror. It makes the room appear larger. Before I was so conscious of looking into it but over the years, it is as if it is another wall in the bedroom. Lately though I looked thorougly and what did I see? It was an image of a somehow harassed and afraid woman with white hair at the front of her head, some wrinkles finally appearing on her face and an image of a growing old woman who at 66 is finding life with so much challenge.

I ‘d like to think I could face all these challenges but sometimes I worry about what will happen. Yes, this is another test probably that I have to pass with flying colors. Endurance, faith, courage.

It’s January 15th,the Feast Day of our Señor Sto. Niño, we celebrate it every third Sunday of January as approved by the Holy See. It’s fiesta in Obet’s place and our town in Pangasinan.

Viva Pit Señor Sto. Niño. Ipanalangin mo kami.

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Not Good

Oh my, on top of my pending cataract operation because my glucose is not normal yet, here’s another news that I have to bear with faith and prayers.

I finally had an appointment with an audiologist yesterday and the verdict is not so good. Forty five minutes of testing. It seemed like I was playing with a joy stick when I underwent three kinds of tests. I was made to listen to different density of sounds – loud, normal, soft and faint which I could not almost hear. Every time the headphone🎧 sounds in my ears, I have to press the stick once. The audiologist discussed the result with me after testing. It seems that I am already classified under severe loss of hearing. The audiologist said I really need hearing aid now. It could no longer be corrected. He quoted a price, 60,000 for both ears and that is already discounted. So expensive. I’ve had already spent so much for my medications.

I’ve been told that it only takes six months before the density of hearing loss advances. I’ll come back to him once I’ve seen my ENT on Monday. Whatever she says, I have to abide by it. There is a need to measure my ears via a mold which will be used for the hearing aid. I am not yet done with other issues on my health and here comes another. I am grateful though that I reached this age despite undergoing hysterectomy, surgical sigmoid operation, chemotherapy and kidney bypass a few years ago.

KEEPING THE FAITH AND TRUST IN GOD.

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He Is Home

Thank God for your prayers. Josef came home last Wednesday night. Jovy fetched him from the hospital. He is on sick leave until Monday. Now, I am so careful when I go out in the garden, have to put OFF lotion first before going out. It is rainy season here and mosquitoes are everywhere especially at night.

Nissa had rashes two days ago. She also had fever because of tonsillo-pharyngitis. After two hospital visits, the rashes have subsided and she could eat properly now. She told me early this morning that she and Obet have their annual executive check-up today. It is a privilege provided by the bank for managers and up.

I always get nervous now every time there is someone sick in the family. It started with Alden when he was ill due to cancer. If there is one thing I pray everyday for, it is good health for all family members, relatives and friends. There is nothing better than being in God’s grace and mercy.

A big thank you for reaching thirteen years now of being cancer-free. It is a big blessing but I am always grateful for everyday blessings.

Have a happy week ahead.

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