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Posts Tagged ‘a bit of myself’


I remember my last session of chemotherapy done on a December morning at the UST Hospital Benavidez Cancer Institute.  It was a Tuesday, the  Feast of the Immaculate Conception.  My medical oncologist called it my graduation.  Graduation from six cycles of chemotherapy and oral chemo drugs, graduation from the pain brought by the IV injected every three weeks, graduation from various laboratory tests before each cycle of chemo. But it did not end there. I have to go back to my surgical oncologist for regular check-up until five years ago when I totally lifted everything up to God that I am truly cured  and well.  It was a nice feeling to be able to pick up and do regular routines without  having to worry about one’s health, without having to worry about doctor and hospital visits. I hate hospitals. I can’t stand waiting too long outside a doctor’s office with other patients who have their own stories to tell.   Seeing other patients is depressing enough.

When you are sick, sometimes depression sets in but your belief and faith that you will be cured  of your illness helps to combat those feelings. When you believe that you will get well, you will.  I started this blog sharing a bit of what I went through more than seven years ago. I wonder sometimes about those friends I met here who underwent the same journey as I did. Where are they now? I haven’t heard from them for quite a while.  There was a time when some of my posts would be full of sharing about their plights as cancer patients and survivors or some members of the family sharing about it. I miss those because I would want to know how they are now.

Some people say things happen for a reason. I believe though that God allows us to feel the pain of being sick so we’ll get closer to Him. It’s when you are at your lowest that God lifts you up. I remember those lines from  Footprints in the Sand:

One night I had a dream…

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, There was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me.

The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.

These word often  remind me  to be always grateful for even the smallest blessing that happens in my life.

In times of our needs, we must look back and remember,  He was walking along with us, carrying us in His shoulder.  The times we thought we were alone, the times we thought we carried  the burden, the times we thought we were so helpless with things which we can’t avoid, the times of need, I believe those were the times He carried us through.

 

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I am grateful.

I am grateful to all those online friends who are following my blog and posting comments to my posts, and to those who click  “like” regularly too.  There is a feeling of warmth when you see people reacting, commenting and liking your thoughts.  I always say that sometimes the  “muse” goes on leave for a while and you can’t think of anything to write about. You have written about your one remaining dog, and your  cat and your garden and the blooms you are now enjoying. You have written about how it feels to be alone in your thoughts  and how happy you are to have your family around. You have written about  discovering new blogs and seeing those lovely places that they share.

It makes me smile.

It makes me smile to read the adventures and experiences of other bloggers, how they love sharing anything under the sun. It makes me smile to reach out and exchange thoughts with them. It makes me smile just being here. I have always said time and again that blogging has become a way of life. It has become part of the daily grind that we call life. When things get a little upsetting, I blog.  When things get a little stressful, I blog too. When things make me happy, I share it in cyberspace.   Our thoughts and actions define how we feel, how happy we are. Happiness comes naturally when we cultivate friendship in our own small way. It comes naturally when we interact with other people and make them smile too in the process. Little acts of kindness, some compassionate words to make one happy.

It gives meaning to my life.

Some of  you won’t probably agree on this one. Blogging for me is now a habit I can’t break, one good habit to journey through.  It’s been more than seven long years of blogging. It has somehow change my perspective, the way I see things through other bloggers’ eyes.

How is your blogging journey?

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It is quite amazing to see the local government at work.  It was an enjoyable visit to the OSCA (Office of Senior Citizens Affairs) to apply for my SC card.  It was a good twenty minutes wait then I got my official ID.  I am all set to enjoy the perks and privileges of a senior citizen….hooray!

Next I went to Philhealth for an update of my Member’s Data Record. I am now officially a non-paying member. Gone are the monthly payments of health premiums starting October  this year.  The commute going there was longer than the time I spent at their office, a mere five minutes. Seniors are always on the priority lanes allotted in each establishment. It’s quite nice to see and feel the difference.

It is indeed a blessing when the government truly works for you.

 

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It’s been  a long night. A lot of my friends and relatives saw the video of my interview last night. Come to think of it, I didn’t even tell them that there was a segment called Magic ng Pasko. I got hundreds of likes and several comments on the album I posted there. A generous friend took shots of the video and sent the photos to me.  It was the first episode in a series I think this Christmas season.  Here’s the hashtag that the GMA network used in this segment.

magic-ng-paskoThey  uploaded it on YouTube. It was done though in Tagalog so most of you won’t probably understand what’s been said. Anyway, I am posting it here for you to see. Not registering so well on TV I think, body fats are aplenty… haha!

Some say they got inspired by the story. Some say they admire the strength I had facing such a predicament. Some say they admire my faith amidst such trials.  I say that God’s graces are immeasurable. I think of what happened as a test of strength, how far one can endure, how far one can go on and how far one can  let the magic of Christmas stay alive in our hearts. It’s been seven long years and I know I am healed.

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The darkening shadows of dusk remind me of you somehow,

– the laughter (we just can’t help ourselves)

– the tears (I was always crying on your shoulder)

– the fancy talks (because we have lots of things to share)

– your smile ( (the way you look when you are happy)

– the silly grin on our faces

– the childlike wonder in your eyes…

I am glad

I need a friend

And you are there!

Thanks.

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Last week, I searched for a studio in one of the malls near our place.  I need IDs for my application for SSS pension  and I haven’t had my ID taken since I left the bank  sixteen years ago.

I don’t indulge in selfies like most people do specially on Facebook where photos are so filtered you would think they all have flawless faces.  They don’t look real to me.  (Such an exaggeration to look good…haha). With such apps clearly on hand even with poorly taken photos, I think creativity is lost. I hate facing the camera especially in a formal one like a photography studio. I always prefer holding the camera and practise on my shots.  The picture actually turned out nice with a white background to my dark pink top. “A little to the right ma’am”, the photographer said. “Would you prefer to remove your eyeglasses?” “No”,  I answered.  Let it be said that this is how I look on my 60th year.  Mom got a copy of one of my  2″ x 2″ pictures and said, “ang ganda“.  Who would admire a photo with a subtle hint of lines on one’s face except your mom?  Laughs…. Oh but I had my hair trimmed and blown dry before I had my picture taken, that’s the secret 🙂

Got a total now of 1,842 blog posts including this one. I have clearly forgotten  some of what I wrote  a few years ago. Maybe  some of the subjects are quite redundant to write about. Maybe there is a need to change the writing style or change theme. I like the clear lines of Misty Look though, I’ve been using it since I started blogging seven years ago. The theme is easy to customize and navigate and I like that you can change the header photos at every post.  I must admit I often forget to update my other blogs. I have five including this main site. It is hard to start all over again but it is one of the challenges of blogging, maintaining a site  and thinking of some worth-reading content of course.

How’s your blogging journey?

 

 

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This is just a borrowed title from one of my favorite poets Mary Oliver.  A Thousand Mornings is one of the two books by Mary Oliver that I treasure. Her words inspire, uplift  and  cheer me up to no ends.  Always, I would read a few lines or two, commit to memory some of her words and my day is complete.

All is quiet except the hum of the small electric fan underneath the computer table. It rained last night and there is a little breeze coming from the window. It is one of those mornings that you get a little introspective, you think about life and living and you are grateful for God’s blessings.

Silence.

I always love what silence brings. I always love greeting the morning hearing nothing but the quiet of dawn, a new day feeling hopeful and anticipating what lies ahead.  It’s those few minutes of bowing your head in prayer and listening to the silence in your heart that make life so precious. You ask but sometimes God surprises you with small miracles. You smile at the thought that life though sometimes harder than it seems is still  beautiful.  You smile at the thought that even if you are alone, happiness is within your grasp. You smile at the thought of a new day, a day to make more memories to hold.

Mornings.

I love watching a sunrise. It holds a promise, it inspires a dream.  Sometimes, it plays hide and seek with the clouds  but you feel the warmth of its embrace. I love the sprinkling of  water droplets brought by the rain at night. How I wish I could capture those magnificent bubbles reflecting the beauty of the morning.  I love the fresh morning look of the garden after the rain.  Sometimes, you get lucky finding new blooms or a new shoot of some seeds you planted a few days ago.

droplets

Surprises.

I love those too. A week ago, I noticed my blackberry shrubs bearing fruits at last. I even asked my friend who gave me the seeds last year if they are flowers but she told me just to wait until they ripen into…. yes, black.   They are turning red and Mom said they might be just flowers growing. I can’t wait.  The three turmeric pots have sprouted  leaves finally. The light green oblong shaped leaves are lovelier to look at than the leaves of ginger.  Oh but I love squeezing a leaf of  my ginger plant on my fingers now and then. The aromatic scent is addicting.

Tea and coffee.

Mom would not make a choice, she has always been a coffee lover. I love both though and I love those different tea infusions. You know that feeling of choosing a flavor to suit your mood for the day. Last Saturday, my daughter brought me a box of Twinings’ Lemon and Ginger, a lovely addition to my English Tea Shop’s Cranberry Vanilla Delight, Green Tea and Spiced Red Fruits. I have a few small sachets of Japanese Green Tea. Brewing a Japanese loose leaf green tea has always been a challenge for me, it is easier to use tea bags.  I have two lovely tea kettles with strainer  and I love using each one with the tea bags.  Sipping tea on small cups is just lovely, isn’t it?  Do you read tea leaves?

A thousand mornings….to dream, to read, to appreciate what nature brings, to make another day as lovely as yesterday. Dance to the beat of the day even when no one is watching.  Dance to the music in your head.  Dance to your heart’s desires.

“This morning

the beautiful white heron

was floating along above the water

and then into the sky of this

the one world

we all belong to

where everything

sooner or later

is a part of everything else

which thought made me feel

for a little while

quite beautiful myself.”
― A Thousand Mornings, Mary Oliver

 

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