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I found my old tattered journal from wayback. The spine  has detached itself from the pages that were yellowed with age. Has it been 38 years ago? Yes,it was and  this was the younger me.

Dear Mayblue

It hurts really, this empty feeling within me. I like to be strong again just like old  times when I used to laugh my worries away, just like those days when I could wear a smile amidst problems. Oh, whats the use of recounting those things.

I used to be part of the audience, passive and all that but how I came to be the actress myself, I never know. All I am sure of is that, now, there is no turning back, no matter what reality has  in store for me, no matter how it hurts. I must go on. Can’t you see Mayblue, I am trying to be brave.

Some people think what a fine actress I am.  Others perhaps look down with disdain. The only thing that consoles me is the fact that every one of us in this cruel  world  is a thespian, the only difference is that are cast in different roles. Some play the lead role,  some are afraid to plunge their hands in the deep water lest they be drowned. I was one of the latter until I found myself playing the big part of the game.

I was sure of myself then. Call it the magic  of love reigning over me. I looked at life with rose-colored eye glasses with misty mornings and sun-bright days. I was way up and I felt great. See what love can bring Mayblue?

But when you have loved deeply and have been hurt so bad, you see things  in a different perspective, in a different light. I found myself running away from my own ghost, even to the point of  pitying myself sometimes. One thing I can assure you is that, I  never regretted what has been, after all, love was such a beautiful experience.

Don’t be deceived by what you see. Despite that calm facade, that undisturbed countenance, look closely and you’ll see a girl crying inside.

P.S.

I wish you were here. I  want to have a good cry.

Today’s Quote


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I have so many things to write about after I think more  than a week of not blogging.Yes I am catching up on my reading challenge. I am on my 7th book.  I want to tell you of the eclectic mix of books I have lined up to finish this  year.  Meantime I am sharing another food for thought with you. I love this quote. It is never too late to dream of things that make life so meaningful. Thanks to my favourite author Richard Paul  Evans for sharing this.

Something To Think About


Meantime that I am busy with my 2016 reading challenge….

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Copied this from a friend’s timeline. There was a time when I devoured books by Og Mandino. His words still ring true until now.

Celebrating With The Family


Yesterday was Sto. Nino’s Feast Day. It’s a very important celebration for all Catholics in our country. Josef and I went to Tondo, Manila to visit Nissa’s family and her in-laws. I am amazed of my daughter’s familiarity with the place since  she got married more than four years ago. Whereas before I only heard of Tondo, slowly I am getting to know the place now. We met Nissa in front of the Tutuban Center. She  takes jogging to heart and regularly frequents the place on Sunday mornings  to take Zumba class and jog. It was quite lovely to see joggers with their pets in tow. I also discovered that going via that route is easier than taking a connecting train ride.  We had a hearty breakfast at Jollibee before proceeding to their place.

The Feast of Sto. Nino is almost a week-long celebration in most areas where the image of the child Jesus is their patron. Dawn processions, masses held in His honor,  lots of food, programs and dancing at the town plaza and having so many balikbayans from all over the world add to the festive spirit of celebrating.  Yesterday was also our town fiesta where I was born.

In Tondo, almost all streets were filled with people and it was quite hard to take a commute going back to Tutuban  Center  to take another LRT ride home to our place. Josef and I walked from Tutuban To Recto, my first long exercise since the start of the year.

I finally got my two copies of Richard Paul Evan’s books left by a friend with Nissa before going back to the USA after a two-week vacation.  Got two more key rings , with the  Statue of Liberty depicted beautifully in them. It is my first time to have key rings in New York.

Seeing Nate again was the  highlight of our visit. He was afraid of the dragon dancers in the streets but he was so happy showing off that he is a werewolf with matching sounds to boot.

Such a happy occasion for the family. How was your Sunday?

Light


Though darkness brings shadows of the past
Glorious light illuminates and paves the way
To a beautiful tomorrow.
There is a message of hope
And love shines through.

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You might think I am obsessed :-)  I have been  collecting key rings since I started working. Lately, more were added, gifts from friends and relatives who know my penchant for collecting. I love to have my own library  ( still dreaming of it), and I mean not just corner shelves in our house but a cozy room that  I could use for my books and to display my  collection.

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One of my nieces went to Korea last year and she gave me this set of key ring/ballpen. I love the one which came from Dubai, it’s gold plated with beads.

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Another one from Dubai, a gift from a friend last year.

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A niece who is a teacher gave me two key rings from her trip to Romania  last year. She went on another trip to Jordan and Israel to spend Christmas there and she bought me these two key rings – one from Jordan and  one from Israel.  This last photo has a stone and Holy Water inside. She told me that from now on, she would buy me key rings on her future trips to other countries.

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I jokingly told her to go to Europe  next so she could bring me something  from there…hahaha.

My 2016 Reading Challenge


Back in 2015, I committed to read at least  50 books and by July, I successfully finished the reading challenge  at Goodreads. The official count was 79 books but based on my own list, I almost read a hundred. I forgot to  update Goodreads  with some of the titles that I read, some chick lit and Ya books  which one could finish in a day or two. Unaccounted were some book of poems that I don’t need to finish in one  reading. There are books that truly inspire and I usually read them again and again. This year  I am challenging myself to read 100 books, an eclectic mix of poems, historical novels, fiction, memoirs and some classic books that I found last year. I have just finished Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book and in the middle of  reading the third book of the century trilogy  by Ken Follett entitled Edge of Eternity. It’s a tome, maybe an equivalent of three romance  books or chick lit. I love the story though, it happened at the time Kennedy was the US president and when Martin Luther King was a revered figure of the black population in America. It happened when East Germany put up a dividing wall preventing its  population to cross West Germany.  I guess this is the best of the three books. It’s really hard to put it down.

If you find some words here that are clearly misspelled, blame it on the autocorrect feature of my tab.I am really finding it hard to publish a new post  and check the blogs I follow here.  Hopefully, everything goes back to normal in  a month or two. Who am I kidding, I wonder if I could last that long without eyestrain.

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