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Archive for the ‘silence speaks’ Category


I had another play with an app on Facebook.  Sometimes, they hit the nail on the head, sometimes it is just a play with words. Are they just looking in to a few shout outs I made there?

Here’s what it says:

Not everyone knows the fights you have had to fight in life. Not everyone sees your scars  and the things that you had to go through. What they see is a smile on your face  and assumes all’s well  but only you know how much you are hurting still.

It’s  partly true. One has to be strong to face all those early trials in one’s life. One has to have faith in what comes next. One has to believe.  Standing strong. Standing still.  These are words that  always stand out when I think of the past. These are words that make me hope  to be better, to dream more and just feel glad I am  alive.

The smile would always be there. I believe in greeting each morning with a big smile on my face. I believe  that everything would be okay the moment I wake up. I just believe. One could be sensitive and sentimental enough to reminisce a little of what has been, the good times would always be memories to cherish,   but sometimes one should be  bold enough to accept the truth that things happen (maybe for a reason), that they  are not  a part of one’s dream.  We should not be afraid to  see what is at the bend in  the road,  there is probably something more to discover  that  makes life more meaningful. When you have faced challenging circumstances in your life and you’re still standing, I call that courage. When you believe that eventually things fall into place, I call that faith.

I love this quote from Helen Keller: “Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into light.”  

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Lately, I promised myself to write everyday just like when I participated in WordPress’  Post A Day writing challenge back in 2011 but always, always I get distracted by other things.  There is always something that is ought to be done, there is always something that prevents me from sitting long enough to write a blog post, there is always something better and more urgent to do than blogging.

Josef and I had our twice a month visit at the wet market early this morning.  We make it a point to go there early so we could catch fresher produce.  It is easier to navigate the place when there are  few early risers like us.  One thing that I love about my suki (favorite vendors)  is that they give you discounts especially when you buy by the kilo.  My son knows where we buy meat, poultry, fish and vegetables. It is always a thrill to discover new things at the  wet market. Compared to prices in supermarkets, items are a lot cheaper and fresher.  Come to think of it, they give Christmas gifts too. My fish suki gives me a bottle of fish sauce every year, my other suki gives t-shirt.  Some of them give coin purses that are so handy to use when marketing.  Josef laughs at me when I smile bringing home  these gifts. Simple though they may be, but we always say, it’s the thought that counts.

It’s the third night of Simbang Gabi. 

Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel.

Emmanuel means God is with us. The gospel today talks about the presence of God in our lives.  It is the presence of God which will complete us, not power, not wealth, not possessions.  We seek God’s presence, we knock so we could be heard and we do this through prayers.  We see  Jesus though in the Holy Eucharist.

emmanuel-god-with-us

May you all be blessed.  Have a nice weekend.

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I remember my last session of chemotherapy done on a December morning at the UST Hospital Benavidez Cancer Institute.  It was a Tuesday, the  Feast of the Immaculate Conception.  My medical oncologist called it my graduation.  Graduation from six cycles of chemotherapy and oral chemo drugs, graduation from the pain brought by the IV injected every three weeks, graduation from various laboratory tests before each cycle of chemo. But it did not end there. I have to go back to my surgical oncologist for regular check-up until five years ago when I totally lifted everything up to God that I am truly cured  and well.  It was a nice feeling to be able to pick up and do regular routines without  having to worry about one’s health, without having to worry about doctor and hospital visits. I hate hospitals. I can’t stand waiting too long outside a doctor’s office with other patients who have their own stories to tell.   Seeing other patients is depressing enough.

When you are sick, sometimes depression sets in but your belief and faith that you will be cured  of your illness helps to combat those feelings. When you believe that you will get well, you will.  I started this blog sharing a bit of what I went through more than seven years ago. I wonder sometimes about those friends I met here who underwent the same journey as I did. Where are they now? I haven’t heard from them for quite a while.  There was a time when some of my posts would be full of sharing about their plights as cancer patients and survivors or some members of the family sharing about it. I miss those because I would want to know how they are now.

Some people say things happen for a reason. I believe though that God allows us to feel the pain of being sick so we’ll get closer to Him. It’s when you are at your lowest that God lifts you up. I remember those lines from  Footprints in the Sand:

One night I had a dream…

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, There was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me.

The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.

These word often  remind me  to be always grateful for even the smallest blessing that happens in my life.

In times of our needs, we must look back and remember,  He was walking along with us, carrying us on His shoulder.  The times we thought we were alone, the times we thought we carried  the burden, the times we thought we were so helpless with things which we can’t avoid, the times of need, I believe those were the times He carried us through.

 

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I don’t know the exact  English word for this fruit that we locally call balimbing. It is  just simply called star fruit. It has a scientific name Averrhoa carambola  I  chanced upon it in one of the fruit stalls near the church so I bought a kilo which sells at P20 pesos. I  haven’t tasted this fruit for decades, it is really not that popular. The taste is a little bland, not even sour or sweet but is is juicy. You have to dip it in a little salt before you eat it.

balimbing

Did you know that this fruit is associated with  politicians here in our country? Balimbing is also  a slang  word for a traitor or a turncoat. This is because the this  has many sides. Politicians who change parties or loyalties based on who’s currently has authority are frequently called balimbing. And there are plenty of them here, almost all of them actually. They align themselves to who is in power at the moment disregarding the previous political party where they are affiliated.  It is such a shame really since most politicians in power are corrupt  and traditional politicians make false promises, buy votes just to win  and perpetuate themselves in power.   Oh yes, they are called balimbing.

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They are like thieves in the night, burying a dictator at the Libingan ng mga Bayani. and deliberately hid  the information  from all of us Filipinos.  Those who were victims of the atrocities of the Marcos regime, those who died and lost their lives because of Martial Law, those who were tortured, those who lost their family members, you are the  real heroes and not Marcos.

It is so disturbing that this is happening in front of our eyes with the consent of the Armed Forces  of the Philippines and the Philippine National Police. The judicial process was completely disregarded. There was no respect for the rule of law.  Marcos was a  murderer, a dictator and a thief and it makes me sad that this government allowed his burial at a place where heroes should be buried. He is no hero.

They have changed the course of history. These are tough times for us and the people are alone in the battle because the government who should protect us  sided with the thieves. As they say, “pambayad utang” for all the favors  the Marcos family did during the last election. They are still the most influential family on planet Philippines.

Ibon mang may layang lumipad
Kulungin mo at umiiyak
Bayan pa kayang sakdal-dilag
Ang ‘di magnasang makaalpas

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It’s cold

And the morning breeze

Is like a soft kiss

On my cheeks.

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It’s been  a long night. A lot of my friends and relatives saw the video of my interview last night. Come to think of it, I didn’t even tell them that there was a segment called Magic ng Pasko. I got hundreds of likes and several comments on the album I posted there. A generous friend took shots of the video and sent the photos to me.  It was the first episode in a series I think this Christmas season.  Here’s the hashtag that the GMA network used in this segment.

magic-ng-paskoThey  uploaded it on YouTube. It was done though in Tagalog so most of you won’t probably understand what’s been said. Anyway, I am posting it here for you to see. Not registering so well on TV I think, body fats are aplenty… haha!

Some say they got inspired by the story. Some say they admire the strength I had facing such a predicament. Some say they admire my faith amidst such trials.  I say that God’s graces are immeasurable. I think of what happened as a test of strength, how far one can endure, how far one can go on and how far one can  let the magic of Christmas stay alive in our hearts. It’s been seven long years and I know I am healed.

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