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Archive for the ‘silence speaks’ Category


Time flies.

I wonder how many times I blogged about month endings and beginnings. Was it only yesterday that I was blogging about Christmas? Here we are again, June is about to say goodbye and July is inching its face.  It rained last night, that kind of downpour that always makes you wish you were all at home, cozy amidst the angry battering like bullets on the rooftop. I told Josef he was lucky it was his day off. That smell of rain sometimes brings fear but it also makes everything around greener than before. The dust of several months have finally been washed out and if only for this, I welcome the rain.

Time flies too soon.

I remember these famous lines from the poet Langston Hughes about dreams and life.  It says and I quote, “hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly”. I always hold on to that thought, dream on, look at life and face it bravely no matter what. There are times when the easiest thing to do is to give up but being weak and knowing that you  are, accepting your faults and acknowledging your mistakes is even more admirable than showing false bravado amidst your tears. Life’s  journey is not a straight path, it consists of little setbacks that make it more meaningful in the end.  Life is not a paved highway, there will always be potholes along the way.

Time flies too soon and June is rapidly coming to a close. It’s been a lovely month  spent reading a lot and gardening despite the heat. I hope the month of July would be kind to my weary bones and aching joints.

Time flies too soon and before you know it, Christmas is here. Wait a minute, did I just say Christmas?


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“All night my heart makes its way
however it can over the rough ground
of uncertainties, but only until night
meets and then is overwhelmed by
morning, the light deepening, the
wind easing and just waiting, as I
too, wait (and when have I ever been
disappointed?) for red bird to sing”
Mary Oliver, A Thousand Mornings

I love waking up early thinking of what the day will bring. New hope, new beginnings! I love those quiet moments spent in thanksgiving although at times I skip some beads in my rosary because I am still sleepy.

Mary Oliver always reminds me of how lucky and blessed I am, the morning brings  those inspiring thoughts again.  Years ago, I discovered her writings online and I was impressed at how she could turn simple words into something a reader  would cherish  and ponder upon.  I have two books of her poems given by a generous friend who knows my penchant for collecting book of poems.  I borrowed a title of one of her books and made a blog out of it and until now it is one of my most-read blog posts.

I smiled while I was watering the plants a few minutes ago and thought of Nate and the many photos I took of him during their overnight stay last weekend. I smiled thinking of him asking me how dragons dance and I gladly obliged – what you’ll do to hear the laughter and see the big smile on his face. It was even more hilarious when he imitated my hand gestures and tried dancing too. Those priceless and precious moments would always be remembered with fondness. They are added to the treasure chest.

I am weaning myself off coffee the past few days and I thought I succeeded but this morning was a temptation so I had a nice cup while our three dogs followed  me around the garden probably thinking that I’ll share the cup with them.  Drinking two glasses of water is healthier  than a cup of coffee.

Nissa brought me several books to read and I didn’t know where to start. I haven’t read John Grisham and James Patterson in years so they were quite a change from the contemporary and chick lit books that I have on my e-reader.  I am almost done with my 2015 reading challenge on Goodreads (45 books out of 50), 21 books ahead of schedule. Hooray!

This morning brings those lovely thoughts again.

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IMGP2938

Will it take you where you want to go?

Will you discover something new?

Will it make your dreams come true?

Be brave.

Be strong.

The challenge is waiting.

Happiness –

is what you make it.

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There are moments when we want to reminisce about those things we enjoyed doing in the past. It’s not exactly a different world, just simple reminders of how life should be.  Life is a continuous struggle but then amidst such pain and suffering we see the light and still enjoy whatever life deals us along the way.

Last night, I woke up to this ungodly hour of 1 am and it was hard to go back to sleep. My mind was full of images of places I’ve been to not long ago. I can’t even recall if they were just snippets of dreams I had earlier.  I had this fear of going back to the hospital even for a simple check-up. I had phobia of  those people lined up outside a doctor’s clinic  waiting endlessly and patiently for the doctor to arrive.That feeling of being treated for a simple allergy then they find something more serious than those red marks on your skin.  Fifteen  years ago, I was hospitalized  for almost a week because of allergy and then one of my doctors  (my OB-Gyn) suggested that I undergo TVS ultrasound since I was already there.  After two years of treatment, there was no option but to undergo a first major operation …total hysterectomy because of endemetriosis.  My second major operation was in July 2009. They had to cut a portion of my sigmoid colon and remove the affected parts.  A few months after my last chemotherapy, I underwent a kidney bypass and had to be hospitalized again. For almost six years now, I am in remission from colon cancer. I thank God for second chances at life, I thank God that He let me see the beauty of life despite all the setbacks.

Three weeks  after my so-called “graduation” from chemotherapy, our friendly neighbors invited us to join them to visit a place in Tanay, Rizal, a two-hour trip by car from our place. I was even hesitant to go, I was thinking I would not be able to endure that trek down the place and the climb back later to civilization but it was one of those trips that I would remember vividly.  We brought along my then six-year old niece who stayed with us during the Christmas break.  The log cabin where we stayed was still in the middle of construction so we fetched a tent and enjoyed the cold breeze of the countryside. All you can see was the long-range of the Sierra Madre mountains from afar.

Sierra Madre Mountains

Sierra Madre Mountains

Simple life, simple joys...

Simple life, simple joys…

We roasted marshmallows, grilled hotdogs and milkfish and brought along a big pot of adobo and a pan of pancit. Everything tasted so good but the company was even better.

the best place to commune with nature...

the best place to commune with nature…

And the best sharing about life was done inside that tent with Jane, our neighbor and Nissa, my daughter while the two younger kids were looking for ants and other insects just outside the tent  and the men in our group explored the place. Looking back, I felt so happy that I was able to endure  the 15-minute walk, a kind of litmus test after six  months of treatment/chemotherapy. I felt so good that it was nice again  to go back to being normal, if normal means there were no more pain of the IV and the effects of the drug, if normal means going out  and bonding with friends and family, if normal means you could forget the endless laboratory  tests and the hospital and seeing your oncologists.

the trek back to the top

the trek back to the top

Chasing dreams and remembering the good old days, an escape from the ugly realities of life. Sometimes, life is full of angst and broken dreams but it’s nice to reminisce about something that would put a smile on your face again and you could face the world one more time with more dreams to pursue and happy memories to recall.

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Maybe I am lucky or perhaps I am really blessed.

When I was working as a student librarian back in college, I was assigned to this lovely section of the UST Library called Humanities, that’s where you find all those books on Philosophy, Ethics, Psychology, Literature, Fiction and all the lovely reading materials that encompass what humanities mean. Nowadays, some  people might think that it is a boring subject and has nothing to do with Math or Science but it adds life to one’s existence. It allows you to see the beauty of how to feel and see the beauty of your thoughts and relate to such experiences by others in a world where it is undoubtedly dominated by science. I had a book buddy who used to say, nobody reads anymore. I don’t agree because some people couldn’t live without books, I am one of them.

I digress.

There was this Arts student who used to borrow books by Sylvia Plath. He would come to the library either to renew the due date of a book or borrow another one, all of Sylvia Plath. I got curious so I tried to read one of her books.  I remember reading Ariel  and learning that we had the same birthday. It’s sad though that her life has to end at a very young age of thirty. Such a tragic death for one so gifted. All these years, I looked for her most popular work called The Bell Jar. It’s been on my wish-list for quite sometime now. She is not exactly a favorite but I love her words.  I was lucky to find a copy of her book, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath. I cannot wait to start reading it as soon as I finish the two chick lit books that I am enjoying at the moment. I am curious why she committed suicide at such an early age. I am curious why people still read her works until now. Here is a quote that garnered more than 10,000 likes in Goodreads.

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.”

Maybe I am  just lucky or perhaps I am really blessed to find her again.

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We have just been told that today, April 1 is the official start  of  summer. It’s funny really since here we are, a little anxious about a coming typhoon which reports say would be a really strong one. I am keeping my fingers crossed that when it reach Philippine shores it would weaken and let us enjoy the weekend. Easter Triduum will start tomorrow and there is Easter Sunday to really look forward to. This morning my son asked me if we will be able to do our annual Visita Iglesia  as we planned. I told him that if the weather gets really worse, we could just visit our Parish and  do our Fourteen Stations of the Cross there. What is important is to spend  our time in prayer, do our own reflections and remember that this is the most important occasion in celebrating our faith as Catholics. Time to reflect, time to give thanks, time to celebrate God’s overflowing graces. I remember a Lenten recollection I attended a year ago and the priest asked the participants what is their favorite passage in the Bible and most of us had the same thoughts and remembered these words:

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish  but have eternal life.  – John 3:16

This is the message that the season of Lent brings. Pope Francis in his 2015 message for the Holy Lent reminded us to ask the Lord: “Make our hearts like yours”, a heart which is firm and merciful, attentive and generous, a heart which is not closed, indifferent or prey to the globalization of indifference.

April.

It’s stuck in my head again. Every time April comes, I remember it.  And I sing, silently. My April dreams sometimes are just that, dreams and longings, pleasant thoughts that slowly unravel and envelope me in the comfort of tears. Oh yes, you might wonder, I cry when I am happy. Over the years, silence has become a friend, a friend I seek and welcome.  I need not speak of my thoughts (the words would not  come anyway) but silence is there waiting for me to break into a song.

♫♪♫Little did we know

Where the road would lead

Here we are a million miles away from the past

Travelin’ so fast now There’s no turning back

If our sweet April dream doesn’t last♫♪♪

Here comes April and summer memories.

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holyweek

For us Catholics, today is the start of our Holy Week celebration.  I attended an anticipated mass last night and have the palms blessed.  I love how the presiding priest explained the meaning of the blessings of palms.  The way to Calvary is full of pain and thorns but Jesus emerged the winner through death and rising up again on the third day. He brought us tremendous blessings through the Holy Cross.

Max Lucado, a favorite inspirational author aptly put it this way and I quote, ” Jesus was not on the cross for His sins. He was there for ours.”

May you have a blessed and meaningful Holy Week.

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