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Archive for the ‘silence speaks’ Category


You might be wondering at the title of this blog post. I smile at the thought of using this beautiful tin box, once filled with pixies, toffees and dark chocolate – a gift from a friend.  I remember those days when I was in grade school and my maternal grandma and Mom had one each of those lovely rectangular biscuit tins which they used for their sewing needs. I loved tracing my hands on those lovely drawings (pictures of ladies in gowns  carrying dainty parasols and lovely hand fans). Nowadays, there are stores in the metropolis that carry these lovely items without the biscuits inside.

I found this lovely book (I wouldn’t know how to classify it, whether it is a chick lit  book or a contemporary one). Think of Sophie Kinsella. It’s a paperback edition of The Someday Jar by Allison Morgan. I was attracted to the book cover, a lovely jar of thoughts that revolves around inspiring life message. I am on the first few chapters but it had me smiling from the start.  It gives me the idea of keeping a beautiful glass jar with all the trimmings and full of colorful papers and short writings inside instead of this old tin box that has been with me for a number of years.

Back in 2011, I made use of one of the topics on the daily digest of WordPress, that of keeping an idea box. The wonder of participating in a Daily Writing Challenge was that they suggested topics which you have never thought of.  I keep small notebooks on hand, with lots of pens, sharpened pencils and markers. They come in handy when you think of something to write about but that is not practical when you are outside holding a gardening host and watering the plants or staying in the kitchen while cooking something for lunch. I collect journals too by the way. The tin box comes in handy for those times that you can’t make use of those small notebooks that you keep on your night table. Sometimes, those life thoughts come at the most inopportune moments, they play in your head for a little while and unless you immortalize them on paper, they would vanish in thin air and you can never capture them back, the way you thought of them a few minutes ago.

I just thought of opening my Fanny May tin box and smiled finding a list of books that I want to read, book quotes, cellphone numbers without names, medicine prescriptions, short lines, single words on small scratch papers but what I found so lovely is this prayer. I could not remember where I copied them from (senior moments working here) so whoever composed these lovely words, I will just say thank you.

LORD, in this life, I am often confronted with situations that make it difficult for me to think clearly. Grant me the patience and strength to handle anything I may encounter. Fill me with divine understanding so that I can quickly respond to the negative forces that would try to bring me down. May I find the peace and tranquility and calm that is only found in You.

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Thank You

It’s been a while and I’ve missed blogging. I don’t want to miss this opportunity though to say my heartfelt THANK YOU for all the blessings in my life.

Today is my 6th year in remission. Some of you might wonder why I celebrate something that brought me so much pain and insecurities and doubts and all the emotions you could imagine. I believe that you are strongest when you are at your weakest. Cryptic you might say but it is true. When you are at the lowest ebb in your life, when you feel so much alone, God is there to lift you up. When you are given second chances at life, you appreciate every minute of every day that you are alive. You appreciate the wonder of living no matter how painful it is sometimes, no matter how hurt you feel because not every one is happy for you.  You wonder how you were able to cope but you did and you smile that you are brave and strong in facing all the challenges, and you are left standing tall  and proud.

Six years ago, I also started this blog because I wanted to share my plight hoping that I could reach  some souls out there who are in the same journey as I was. I am glad that a few also shared their personal experiences with me and I am happy that in the process of blogging, I met a lot of online friends who made the journey even more meaningful and worthwhile.

Six years ago, I was given a second chance at life. I am grateful and thankful for everything.

Today, I celebrate the beauty of life. Today, I celebrate the gift of second chances. Today, I celebrate the gift of family. Today, I celebrate the gift of friends who were with me throughout my journey and I am thankful for those new friends I met along the way.

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The wind blows

And the chimes dance

What a happy sound.

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Time flies.

I wonder how many times I blogged about month endings and beginnings. Was it only yesterday that I was blogging about Christmas? Here we are again, June is about to say goodbye and July is inching its face.  It rained last night, that kind of downpour that always makes you wish you were all at home, cozy amidst the angry battering like bullets on the rooftop. I told Josef he was lucky it was his day off. That smell of rain sometimes brings fear but it also makes everything around greener than before. The dust of several months have finally been washed out and if only for this, I welcome the rain.

Time flies too soon.

I remember these famous lines from the poet Langston Hughes about dreams and life.  It says and I quote, “hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly”. I always hold on to that thought, dream on, look at life and face it bravely no matter what. There are times when the easiest thing to do is to give up but being weak and knowing that you  are, accepting your faults and acknowledging your mistakes is even more admirable than showing false bravado amidst your tears. Life’s  journey is not a straight path, it consists of little setbacks that make it more meaningful in the end.  Life is not a paved highway, there will always be potholes along the way.

Time flies too soon and June is rapidly coming to a close. It’s been a lovely month  spent reading a lot and gardening despite the heat. I hope the month of July would be kind to my weary bones and aching joints.

Time flies too soon and before you know it, Christmas is here. Wait a minute, did I just say Christmas?


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“All night my heart makes its way
however it can over the rough ground
of uncertainties, but only until night
meets and then is overwhelmed by
morning, the light deepening, the
wind easing and just waiting, as I
too, wait (and when have I ever been
disappointed?) for red bird to sing”
Mary Oliver, A Thousand Mornings

I love waking up early thinking of what the day will bring. New hope, new beginnings! I love those quiet moments spent in thanksgiving although at times I skip some beads in my rosary because I am still sleepy.

Mary Oliver always reminds me of how lucky and blessed I am, the morning brings  those inspiring thoughts again.  Years ago, I discovered her writings online and I was impressed at how she could turn simple words into something a reader  would cherish  and ponder upon.  I have two books of her poems given by a generous friend who knows my penchant for collecting book of poems.  I borrowed a title of one of her books and made a blog out of it and until now it is one of my most-read blog posts.

I smiled while I was watering the plants a few minutes ago and thought of Nate and the many photos I took of him during their overnight stay last weekend. I smiled thinking of him asking me how dragons dance and I gladly obliged – what you’ll do to hear the laughter and see the big smile on his face. It was even more hilarious when he imitated my hand gestures and tried dancing too. Those priceless and precious moments would always be remembered with fondness. They are added to the treasure chest.

I am weaning myself off coffee the past few days and I thought I succeeded but this morning was a temptation so I had a nice cup while our three dogs followed  me around the garden probably thinking that I’ll share the cup with them.  Drinking two glasses of water is healthier  than a cup of coffee.

Nissa brought me several books to read and I didn’t know where to start. I haven’t read John Grisham and James Patterson in years so they were quite a change from the contemporary and chick lit books that I have on my e-reader.  I am almost done with my 2015 reading challenge on Goodreads (45 books out of 50), 21 books ahead of schedule. Hooray!

This morning brings those lovely thoughts again.

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IMGP2938

Will it take you where you want to go?

Will you discover something new?

Will it make your dreams come true?

Be brave.

Be strong.

The challenge is waiting.

Happiness –

is what you make it.

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There are moments when we want to reminisce about those things we enjoyed doing in the past. It’s not exactly a different world, just simple reminders of how life should be.  Life is a continuous struggle but then amidst such pain and suffering we see the light and still enjoy whatever life deals us along the way.

Last night, I woke up to this ungodly hour of 1 am and it was hard to go back to sleep. My mind was full of images of places I’ve been to not long ago. I can’t even recall if they were just snippets of dreams I had earlier.  I had this fear of going back to the hospital even for a simple check-up. I had phobia of  those people lined up outside a doctor’s clinic  waiting endlessly and patiently for the doctor to arrive.That feeling of being treated for a simple allergy then they find something more serious than those red marks on your skin.  Fifteen  years ago, I was hospitalized  for almost a week because of allergy and then one of my doctors  (my OB-Gyn) suggested that I undergo TVS ultrasound since I was already there.  After two years of treatment, there was no option but to undergo a first major operation …total hysterectomy because of endemetriosis.  My second major operation was in July 2009. They had to cut a portion of my sigmoid colon and remove the affected parts.  A few months after my last chemotherapy, I underwent a kidney bypass and had to be hospitalized again. For almost six years now, I am in remission from colon cancer. I thank God for second chances at life, I thank God that He let me see the beauty of life despite all the setbacks.

Three weeks  after my so-called “graduation” from chemotherapy, our friendly neighbors invited us to join them to visit a place in Tanay, Rizal, a two-hour trip by car from our place. I was even hesitant to go, I was thinking I would not be able to endure that trek down the place and the climb back later to civilization but it was one of those trips that I would remember vividly.  We brought along my then six-year old niece who stayed with us during the Christmas break.  The log cabin where we stayed was still in the middle of construction so we fetched a tent and enjoyed the cold breeze of the countryside. All you can see was the long-range of the Sierra Madre mountains from afar.

Sierra Madre Mountains

Sierra Madre Mountains

Simple life, simple joys...

Simple life, simple joys…

We roasted marshmallows, grilled hotdogs and milkfish and brought along a big pot of adobo and a pan of pancit. Everything tasted so good but the company was even better.

the best place to commune with nature...

the best place to commune with nature…

And the best sharing about life was done inside that tent with Jane, our neighbor and Nissa, my daughter while the two younger kids were looking for ants and other insects just outside the tent  and the men in our group explored the place. Looking back, I felt so happy that I was able to endure  the 15-minute walk, a kind of litmus test after six  months of treatment/chemotherapy. I felt so good that it was nice again  to go back to being normal, if normal means there were no more pain of the IV and the effects of the drug, if normal means going out  and bonding with friends and family, if normal means you could forget the endless laboratory  tests and the hospital and seeing your oncologists.

the trek back to the top

the trek back to the top

Chasing dreams and remembering the good old days, an escape from the ugly realities of life. Sometimes, life is full of angst and broken dreams but it’s nice to reminisce about something that would put a smile on your face again and you could face the world one more time with more dreams to pursue and happy memories to recall.

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