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Posts Tagged ‘reflections’


I am in the middle of reading a book,  my second book of  Amanda Prowse called Will You Remember Me? This is actually my 94th book which I committed to read on my 2017 Goodreads Reading challenge. I didn’t purposely choose this but I could totally relate to the subject because it’s one topic that was so close to me a few years ago.

How do you say goodbye to your beloved family? How do you say goodbye to your close friends? How do you say goodbye to everyone?  This is about having that much-dreaded cancer.  When your days are numbered, how will you react?

I could totally relate to the story because almost eight years ago, I was in the same predicament.  The journey of knowing that you were not that well, the journey of accepting the truth that you have to undergo treatments to get well. I was in a quandary before if I must have that chemotherapy or not. Imagine being afraid that you were not 100% fit and your life may never be the same after the chemo but then you have to decide right there and then before everything is too late.  I am in remission now, thank  God. At times,  I am afraid when my immunity goes low and I have that cold which take a long time to heal. I haven’t totally  recaptured total wellness since I got sick. There are always times when  I feel weak and lethargic. I never let it defeat me though, I am claiming that those day are gone now.

There is no use crying over spilled  milk so people always say but the memory lingers. You remember those days when you can’t almost get up for a day or two after every session of chemotherapy. You remember those days when you can’t even hold a spoon properly because your hands ache  in the process. You remember those days when your arms don’t feel anything and they’re like heavy stones attached to your shoulder.

Being healthy is the best gift one could ever have but as we grow older we feel those aches and pains that go with old age.  Just enjoy these moments, moments of togetherness and bonding, joyful moments to remember. Deep in one’s heart, one could be happy  despite and in spite of.

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For some time now, it has been playing in my head. Am I an old soul? So I took this test  at playbuzz.com and the results seem to be true.

You’re what we call an ancient soul… too old to even be defined as- well, old! Ancient souls were born hundreds of thousands of years ago, and have seen hundred of centuries and millenniums pass by! Your soul is extremely unique and rare to find these days, as rapid advances in technology have forced a lot of people to “move on”. But you still cling in the past- the VERY past- and you’re content and accepting of who you are. You are so mature and wise beyond your years that it is indescribable! Being an ancient soul may make you feel very weary, and it may even feel difficult at times, but don’t forget… ancient souls form very special and rewarding relationships with other people. It is a bond that is so true, so faithful, and so giving beyond any other soul could imagine… So next time you talk to a close friend, just think about how lucky they are to have met a special soul like you!

I am an old soul.

Maybe so. There was a question there if you enjoy being alone. I do. Being alone does not necessarily mean that you are lonely. Being alone  gives you that “me” times that other people don’t seem to find in this crazy world. Being alone, doing what you want to do, enjoying your own company and thinking sometimes of those days long ago.

Mature? Yes, At my age, that goes with the territory. I think I am that kind who think not just twice but several times the repercussions of what I do in life.  There are people who have  aged biologically but are still immature in their decisions and the way they act.  There are people  who like to stay that way – happy-go-lucky, carefree.  Life sometimes gets to us in a way we never expect. Life sometimes is just that, hard. Who says it is easy?

Unique? I’d like to think so but each one of us is unique in this world. Maybe the difference lies in one’s attitude and how one does things. Or maybe attitude spells the difference.

Wise? That I agree.  We acquire wisdom with age. We tend to be more realistic about things as we grow older.   Sometimes, we don’t only accept but we question too.  what is wisdom? It is the soundness of our actions and decisions. It is common sense, good judgment.

I am an old soul. Are you?

I am always touched by this quote from Langston Hughes:

“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.”

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For the past several days, I  was not inspired enough to blog and share my thoughts.  I don’t know why. These are those times when I prefer finishing the books I have started on my e-reader, just quiet moments listening to the noise of the day, the usual hustle and bustle  of  city life.

Finally, we’re done trimming the carabao grass (as usual) over the weekend. I love the nice clean look of our small garden. I counted the fruits of our langka (jackfruit trees)  in all stages of growth. There were more than twenty of them and small shoots are still sprouting like crazy. Our  two calamansi trees are in their flowering stage too. I just love the lemony scents of their flowers.  They  delight the senses in such a big way.

Have you ever experienced starting on a new book and a new author and  having that big smile on your face because you found it? That feeling of bliss and well-being because you were inspired by the story? That feeling that everything is okay and you wish the story would go on?  But such is the sad part, a story always has an ending. It may not be something  you expected, it may not be something that you ever thought of, it may not be something that the story calls for, but precisely the ending sometimes leaves you breathless with that silly smile on your face because of such a moving encounter with a good read.

Some books I prefer reading slowly like Upstream  by Mary Oliver. Taking those words in small doses so to speak.  I  always look at the dust jacket of the book and I  smile because I have  a copy. It’s actually my third book of Mary Oliver.  Lately, I started reading Write It Down, Make It Happen by Henriette Anne Klauser, a sort of self-help book.  There was a time during my college years when I got engrossed reading Psychology and  Philosophy books. That waned  over the years until lately. The latter speaks of writing down your goals and achieving them not in the spur of the moment perhaps but through the  blessed days of your life. We speak of miracles, we speak of coincidences but I guess it’s  God’s way of telling us to go on  because He will never abandon us.  Have faith in all you do.

Oh, I can’t believe  it, I am on my 89th book  in my Goodreads 2017 reading challenge.  It’s about  59%  and  36 books ahead of schedule. So glad of this.

Good morning everyone!

 

 

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We go on, not because we are strong, but because we carry those who are gone with us. We are the guardians of their memory and the propagators of their legacy. So we must live fully, but we will never forget them . they will be part of every moment of joy and we will hear them in every cry of new life. We will carve something new out of this blood-soaked rock and we will stand, unafraid. We will strive to be better, to be kinder, and to give full measure of compassion, and even though the price of love may be loss, we will pay. No matter the cost, we will love blindly, boldly and without bounds.

– September Blue, Whitney Cat

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♫♪♫Sunday, sweet Sunday, with nothing to do,
Lazy and lovely, my one day with you…♪♫♪

It’s Sunday again. Time and the days really seem to fly. As usual, we went to  attend mass early at around 6am. It is always nice to wake up with the dawn and listen to the silence once a while.  I am having a LSS, humming those tunes all in my head.   I wonder why.

Have you ever kept a journal? I’ve been into keeping a journal   since my college days. I still have several blank journals that I’ve kept through the years. The first one I had is now tattered with the spine almost loose from the pages.  Nissa and some of my close friends know my penchant for keeping one so they give me those pretty  notebooks and colorful journals. Let me see, I think I still have more than a dozen unfilled ones  from small notebooks to really thick pages. Sometimes, they are just too lovely to write doodles on.  Lately though, I got hooked more on reading than writing but now and then I open my thick journal to update it.  The journal entries are a smorgasbord of quotes, dreams, wishes, recipes and what have you.  They’re more like unrestrained thoughts most of the time, nothing really that serious but sometimes they border  on  how life is all about, a cathartic release  about angst in life.

my journal entry, page….?

For the past several days, I’ve been blogging about one subject dear to me – blogging.  Have you ever thought that blogging is a free-form  diary of some sort, only it is made available in cyberspace?  We share ourselves through a blog  but we gain friends in the process. A journal is more private. It is bringing your thoughts in the open but most entries are for your eyes alone.

How’s your Sunday?

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I’ve blogged about this before, that of being thankful for each new day in our lives. In fact, a birthday post some years ago is still included in my most-read blog  here on WordPress.

You might ask how could we be thankful when nothing good is happening? How could we utter that simple word of thanks when every thing is a mess?  How could we even appreciate a day without it? How?

I believe in second chances. I was given that chance almost eight years ago when the family decided once and for all to take that bold step of deciding that I undergo chemotherapy. As  I’ve said earlier in my other blog posts, being sick is not a walk in the park and deciding to try  a treatment that some people consider toxic is a big decision in our lives.  Sometimes though, we have to take that leap of faith.  Somehow, there is always something that may come out right out of it.

Thankful.

Wow, big word for us ordinary people.  I must admit that sometimes we just see things as if they are due to us, we forget to be gracious and thankful about them.  Being thankful for even the simplest blessing has become a way of life for me. Even staying here in front of my PC typing my thoughts is thankfulness itself. I am grateful for  my life, my family and friends.  I am grateful to have met all these wonderful people on social media.  No matter how boring life sometimes is, there is always something that we should be thankful for.  That spontaneous smile because you feel happy.  That laughter that automatically comes because there is something to laugh about.  The unexpected blessings that make us happy.

Thankful.

Giving thanks, acknowledging that happiness may sometimes be a fleeting thing but there is always that one particular hour of the day that happiness abounds.

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Had good chats with two of my close friends last night. One of my friends who is a third order Carmelite attends mass daily at Sto. Domingo Church.  He was in doubt but he asked me if Fr. Lovell was the one who officiated the mass. He said the latter’s homily was a breath of fresh air.  So I asked Fr. Lovell later, he said yes. He  even mentioned my plight as a cancer survivor, how  having a grave ailment would someday be an inspiration to others to get well.  We talked about life and survival, we talked about our families and moving on. We talked about how life seems so hard sometimes.

I do agree, there are times when you feel so alone in your struggles.  There are times when you feel like giving up but it is not an option.  There are always instances when  you feel so down. Life is all about our struggles and little victories we gain from being brave and strong.  It’s hard sometimes to show strength when you really feel so weak. It is easier to show how you’ve become saddened and disappointed with what is happening around. Problems are part and  parcel of this thing we call life.  It may get a little  complicated at times  but trying times are not always here to stay. Our attitude towards vicissitudes in life spells the big difference between living and existing. It’s survival of the fittest as people often say. I do believe though that one’s weakness becomes one’s strength  in the long run. We learn, oh how we learn to survive. Staying positive may be hard to do but it is one moving force for us to survive and accept a particular situation not to our liking. I remember one writer (the name escapes me now) who said, “When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back”.

 

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