Crazy Saturday

My head is full at the moment thinking of events in our lives.

Getting lost here. I thought today is Friday. Had to take a look twice at my cellphone….crazy.

My head is full at the moment thinking of events happening in our lives. Sad to say, my mom’s older sister died the other day. She was 99. My brothers and I are in a quandary whether to tell mom or not. She might not be able to understand that Covid is preventing us to go there because we are on a lockdown. 65 up are not allowed to go out. Mom’s sense of hearing is practically nil. My eldest brother suggested that we just tell her after the burial.

We could not even visit Alden. My aunt and Alden’s family are in the same barangay in our province.

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Devastated

That was a very lonely and touching experience for me this afternoon. A friend who is also a neighbor suffered a stroke. Only her daughter was with her when I arrived at their place. She seemed asleep but was still breathing, her snore was so loud. Jom, another neighbor came by too and they called an ambulance.

May I ask for your prayers please? Her name is Mercy Jarque, 81 years old. She is like a mother to me and I am so sad to see her suffer.

I learned a while ago when her daughter came back from the hospital that she was DOA. The daughter is bipolar, sometimes she is not her usual self.

This is quite devastating, someone losing her life in this time when movements of people are limited, when you can’t just go out to condole with the family for their loss. Jill does not want her mom to be cremated so Aling Mercy would be transferred to a funeral home tomorrow morning.

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On Death And Dying

And here I thought I would be able to maintain blogging every day this September but it’s not to be. I missed writing  posts for two days.

I went to the  wake of our neighbor who had heart attack. I almost got lost finding where the Loyola Memorial Chapels was. Wrong  info/direction from  his daughter.  Anyway, I reached the place correctly when I inquired from the church workers at St. John the Baptist Parish Church in Taytay, Rizal.  The place was clean, so wide and away from traffic.

It was an unpleasant surprise finding your neighbor who is dead at the age of 77. He was too young to die. And speaking of dying, there is always that unspoken  grief that you feel when a loved one dies. One cannot quantify the loneliness you feel that you wouldn’t be able to see your loved one again except in memories.  Good memories are kept in your heart. The photo album may not suffice, spoken words of sympathy may not be enough but we go on with life in the long run. The pain maybe lessened  but it would always be there.

There are stages of grief that we have to go though.  First there is shock and denial. We could not readily accept that it happened. Then comes the pain and guilt. You wish you could have told them often how  much you love them. You wish you could have talked  to them about their problems  The anger at what happened comes next then depression or loneliness and these depends how strong you are to face such.  Acceptance follows after a while. But some of us do not always experience these stages. We go through life like our right arm is gone. We go through the days remembering, always remembering the good times.

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” 

I remember that line when I read Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. It was one of the best books I’ve ever come across. Emotional but inspirational as well.  And “once you learn how to die, you’ll learn how to live”. 

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Saying Goodbye Is Not Without Its Tears

Spent the early part of the day going to the wake of a friend’s dad. He died at the age of 87  last Tuesday. When someone leaves us in this world, we  talk of the happy memories, the good times that we remember of our deceased relative. We always talk of  the times that we remember the most in our hearts, we talk of the caring ways, the love and care, the gentle touch of a loving dad to his kids and the great love he showed our own mother.

I remembered  Dad vividly in my mind while I was praying for Paul’s father. Letting go is not that easy. We always think we are prepared for any eventualities that may happen but when it is a close member of our family, we cannot just ignore the deep pain we feel, the sense of loss we experience.  Even if we say that we have accepted everything even before we lose a loved one, there is that tight knot of pain that surrounds our hearts.  Tere, another common friend who was with me at the wake intently listened to us exchange thoughts and ideas about death. I told Paul that he could still laugh, joke around with us because he can still see his father right in front but after the burial when everyone has left and it’s only the family facing each other, you feel empty, there is that deep void that no one can fill.  Your thoughts would slowly unlock all the lovely things you hold dear when your father was still alive. Acceptance is one thing but what is important is allowing yourself to grieve  so you would heal the pain of emptiness within.

Saying goodbye is not without its tears.  You experience all kinds of difficult emotions that sometimes you think  the sadness would never let up.  They say that there is really no wrong or right way to grieve. It may take a year or two or you feel the loss the rest of your life. We are not only talking about death here but of other circumstances when  our emotions are deeply affected. And then we ask ourselves, “is there a normal timetable for grief?” I don’t think so because it is a personal thing. Some of us may cope well because we make ourselves busy, it lightens the burden when we share it with close relatives and friends. Ignoring what you feel would just make you miserable. Real healing takes place when we face our fears. It’s normal to cry, but it does not mean that you don’t feel the loss when you don’t.

Time heals. It is  a slow dance of remembrance and unlocking  of precious memories you hold in your heart. Then you will smile at the thought that you have those precious memories to keep you warm.

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