Love Defined

The first time we went out of ourselves

to reach another – that was  Love

– the hesitant touch

– the guarded phrase

Each was an attempt to express

the inexpressible.

(Yes, I remember I wrote this short poem when I was still in college experiencing the pains and aches of a first love….or so I thought)

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It’s In Your Heart

LIFE –

Is wonderful when you are happy

But it pains you sometimes when you are sad.

Life’s surprises don’t always come in dainty packages

Of pink ribbons and lovely boxes

Life’s surprises come sometimes in inopportune moments

Catching you unaware.

You smile with a certain sadness in your eyes

You greet the day

Dragging your steps along the way.

I’m here to listen

When the time comes that you want to share

I’ll be here to make you smile again

and make you believe that life is worthwhile.

Happiness lies in your heart my friend.

And it’s really wonderful to be alive.

(reposted from September 05, 2011)

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Nobody Wins

You  feel you’ve triumphed

Seeing your opponent cry

But did you ever see

The hurt look in her eyes?

You feel you have scored

Making life like it was a game

But did you ever think

That in an argument,

Nobody wins?

She hurls hurting words at you

And you do the same

But did you ever see

That she was trying to let you know

“I take that all back

Because I don’t want to hurt you.”

And behind those shouts of anger and pain

You long to see her smile again.

(Reposted from July 13, 2011. I remember during my early blogging years, comments and like were practically unheard of although visitors just came and go. It was then WordPress would get back to one’s post and you’ll read the words fantastic, amazing, beautiful etc. etc.)

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These Things

 Love those moments between dawn and daybreak  –

the sounds of a new day, the smile of the morning sun, the feel of the gentle wind on my face. And slowly, the nocturnal music of the night becomes the  noise of the morning, the honk of school buses ready to pick up their student riders, the noise of motor vehicles always in a hurry to get to their destination and the bark of our six dogs, some waiting to get out of the gate for a morning walk but they don’t get to do it nowadays. The garden is enough. I love the smell of  hot Pan de Sal  freshly bought from the bakery, the taste and aroma of a hot cup of coffee and the sizzle of  eggs in the frying pan to go with it.

I love those moments  that a typical day brings –

the silver hues of raindrops on the grass, the earthy smell,  the discovery of  new blooms in the garden which I  am always so excited to snap with my camera.  Simple things that may seem too mundane to others but these are the same things that make one’s day special.   There’s no use crying over spilled milk, is there? There’s no use  showing to the world that you carry its weight on your shoulders. Time is gold so they say , and  we hurry and forget to appreciate everyday blessings that come our way. We chase the day like there is no tomorrow and before we know it, it is gone and all we remember is the stress we experienced and so much work  left undone. When you begin to see, really see what the day has in store, there are outstanding moments that you get to appreciate more.

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Then And Now

Look back with gratitude so you can look ahead with hope.

Do you remember those days when you were just a wee child and you looked at your grandparents as really, really old? You were excited to reach your teens so you could go out with your friends.

Childhood brings that smile to my face as I remember – the patintero games, luksong-tinik, playing with marbles, accumulating rubber bands and those 2 x3 text cards that I used to play with my brothers and cousins. They were nicely kept in a shoe box covered with Christmas wrapper. Back in those days, we had an area in our place where we could get red clays during the rainy season and mould them into several figures.

Our old house had what you call barandella. They are window railings. My two brothers and I would dangle our feet on each window while we made those figures like airplanes, small houses, birds and what have you out of the clay we got from the field. I used to make plates, clay pots, vases with big flowers that I could mould with my little hands.

Then one grew up, planned to have one’s own family, have pretty kids that one wished would turn out smart too. Married was a big challenge. The ex-hubby and my two kids were not together for almost twenty years except for two months vacation every two years because he worked abroad. When he came home for good, he didn’t know how to have his family by his side. You know the word called padre de familia and his words were law that the kids should not cross. It was hard for us to adjust with him around. A few months after Nissa got married, whew, he left us for good. Our life is quiet now, we have learned to adjust without his presence.

My gosh, I was counting every birthday that passed and I am grateful of lessons learned, blessings bestowed on the family and small miracles that make our lives now happy and secure. We have Nate, Nissa has just been promoted to Senior Manager at the bank where I used to work, Josef is enjoying his work at JP Morgan Chase bank. He reports to the office thrice a week and works from home for two days.

I am now 66, with those seemingly ever-present health concerns. I am still hopeful of the future though. A nun friend who is a cancer survivor like me has this to say: When you feel so much alone, that’s the time God is holding your hands. When you are at the lowest ebb of your life, you are closest to Him the most.

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Enthusiastic About Blogging

WordPress says it is an eight day streak🥰

Yes, I’ve been blogging for around eight days now with sometimes two or three blog posts a day. It is my coping mechanism to what is happening with my health at the moment. There is something about writing that brings me to a time of silence, alone with my thoughts and words. There is something about writing that is so fulfilling. There is something in writing that makes it worthwhile sharing to the world with friends who are religiously commenting and liking my posts. They may not be that much but I am not complaining. One thing is, I am able to share my aches and pains to those friends who take time to read my posts. I am grateful🥰

I’ve set aside reading for a while since I opted not to participate in this year’s Goodreads reading challenge. I am liking the ability to read slowly and post my thoughts in my new journal. Maybe twenty books this year would be enough.

I wonder where the other bloggers who have been active before got to. I miss reading their posts. Hopefully they will reach out again this year through their blogs.

Still and all, blessings for a healthy, successful, happy and a truly remarkable year ahead😍❤🙏

L

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Oh So Slow

My tab does not charge well, it takes almost a day before it is fully charged. Josef tried it on his charger it was okay. This morning, I have decided that I will buy a new tab. We’ll see tomorrow.

I downloaded the WordPress app on my phone and was even able to open my other blog in another e-mail. When I closed it though, I could no longer access it. As my main blog is always open, it is easier to see it. I am experimenting this on my CP now.

I found 16 unanswered valid comments, don’t know what happened. I answered 8 but could no longer see the others. So really sorry. There was a long one, about cancer but I could not retrieve it now. Sad.

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Wednesday Musings

The other day I stayed at the garden for about three hours. It was a breezy afternoon, perfect time to uproot weeds and prune some of my plants. It rained the whole day though yesterday. I was supposed to attend the caucus of our running candidate for mayor, Atty. Nieto but it was cold outside so I didn’t. VP LENI’s rally though here in Rizal was a success. Despite the rain, around 43 thousand gathered in Antipolo City. Cainta is part of Rizal.

Going back to gardening, I found three snails in different parts of the garden. I was in a quandary whether to crush them or just remove them in the garden. Are snails good for the garden? I don’t know but I just threw them at the vacant lot behind the house. One is an empty shell.

This brought me back to another question, is everything alive needs to be protected? Maybe even such insignificant creatures have their use too. I think of life and all its angst. I think of the family and how we are surviving despite every curveball that happens to us. I am still hopeful that God would prolong our lives so I could again see my brothers and other family members well and happy. I haven’t seen my youngest brother whose family lives in Tulsa since dad died. We just communicate through Viber and Messenger. The last time I saw my niece and two nephews were during their teenage years. My niece, the oldest is now a nurse, the second one who finished Architecture belongs to the Hall of Fame in their university. The youngest is taking up Astronomy.

I started collecting Henri Nouwen’s quotes lately. He is one of my favorite authors, a Dutch Catholic priest, writer and theologian. I have some of his books that I read now and then. I do send inspirational quotes and mass links to Alden almost every day.

Here is something worth-sharing from Henri Nouwen.

Profound questions aren’t they?

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A Simple Prayer

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I Miss You…Still

Here I am again sharing some thoughts about my late dad.

We spent grade school in the province except Noel who transferred here in Manila during his last two years of grade school because be was the only one left there. The four of us graduated at the Univ. Of Santo Tomas Education High School. College life was also spent in UST.

I remember the summers way back then. That was the time we spent the summer break going to Manila to be with Dad. That was in the mid-60’s. Mom, my three brothers and I would ride in a Pantranco bus with two bundles of firewood meticulously gathered before our trip. We used charcoal and firewood to cook back then.

When we reached high school, summer days were spent in the province. I remember planting cashew nuts with Dad which eventually grew along the perimeter wall of our one-hectare lot. We also planted Formosa pineapples. They still bear fruits until now. Coconut trees are scattered all over.

At first, it was just the three of us, dad, my older brother and I stayed in our very small house in Quezon City when I started high school. Mom and my two brothers were left in the province. Do you believe that I started reading Mills and Boons pocketbooks when I was in high school?

Dad would bring home three or four pocketbooks which he usually borrow from the UST high school library. After a week, another batch is borrowed. It was where I learned more about those lovely places aside from our country. I worked for a while at the Humanities section of the UST Main Library way back in college. That’s where I learned serious reading because of the many subjects/books that I encountered.

Gosh, every year since Dad died, I would blog about him during his birthday and death anniversary. Perhaps you’ve read about those anecdotes that I have shared before.

Today is dad’s 14th death anniversary. I miss him…still.

🥲😒❤🧡

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