Posted in life, ramblings, silence speaks, thoughts, writing, tagged dreams of youth, journal-writing, life, musings, thoughts on January 29, 2016 |
4 Comments »
I found my old tattered journal from wayback. The spine has detached itself from the pages that were yellowed with age. Has it been 38 years ago? Yes,it was and this was the younger me.
It hurts really, this empty feeling within me. I like to be strong again just like old times when I used to laugh my worries away, just like those days when I could wear a smile amidst problems. Oh, whats the use of recounting those things.
I used to be part of the audience, passive and all that but how I came to be the actress myself, I never know. All I am sure of is that, now, there is no turning back, no matter what reality has in store for me, no matter how it hurts. I must go on. Can’t you see Mayblue, I am trying to be brave.
Some people think what a fine actress I am. Others perhaps look down with disdain. The only thing that consoles me is the fact that every one of us in this cruel world is a thespian, the only difference is that are cast in different roles. Some play the lead role, some are afraid to plunge their hands in the deep water lest they be drowned. I was one of the latter until I found myself playing the big part of the game.
I was sure of myself then. Call it the magic of love reigning over me. I looked at life with rose-colored eye glasses with misty mornings and sun-bright days. I was way up and I felt great. See what love can bring Mayblue?
But when you have loved deeply and have been hurt so bad, you see things in a different perspective, in a different light. I found myself running away from my own ghost, even to the point of pitying myself sometimes. One thing I can assure you is that, I never regretted what has been, after all, love was such a beautiful experience.
Don’t be deceived by what you see. Despite that calm facade, that undisturbed countenance, look closely and you’ll see a girl crying inside.
I wish you were here. I want to have a good cry.
Read Full Post »
Posted in life, photography, rainy days, ramblings, typhoons, tagged Close to Nature, flowers and blooms, life, nature, Pandakaki flowers, photography, rainy days, thoughts and ramblings on July 9, 2015 |
6 Comments »
My dwarf Pandakaki blooms.
It’s almost a week now since the rainy days started, three days in a row where all levels of classes in most schools in Metro Manila and suburbs were suspended due to the inclement weather. Typhoon Egay left a few days ago but it was bold enough to leave monsoon rains in the metropolis. Typhoon Falcon entered the Philippine area of responsibility the other night. It didn’t make a landfall but dumped more rains and saturated the streets of Metro Manila. It’s still a bit dark outside and drizzling. Oh, can’t help but sip a hot cup of coffee (yes, my third cup for the week). And why am I even counting? I haven’t touched the brew for quite sometime, that’s why.
One finds beauty even on a dark rainy day. These tiny white blooms are just so lovely to ignore. They bring a bit of sunshine to an otherwise bleak morning.
Read Full Post »
The morning comes
just a little too late
The coffee has gone cold
and the little sparrows
singing a while ago
I wonder if she realizes
that she is alone now
with silence for company,
Read Full Post »
For a while now, since WordPress upgraded to a new post format, I have noticed this. I still use the old one by going to the Dashboard, choosing Posts then Add New. It will bring you to the old format. Since I am so used to it for the past five years or so, I still find it convenient and easier to do a blog post in this set-up. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks that easily, right? I rather like the new apps and updates WordPress is making but sometimes, I find it harder to blog using all these.
I noticed that even if I post a new blog entry through this old format, when I make edits once it is posted, it reverts back to the new one with all my paragraphs lumped together in just one whole mess so I have to edit it again and press enter twice to make those paragraphs appear again. Why is this so? Have you noticed it too?
I am glad though that when I looked at my stats today, it finally reached 325,014. Today is Holy Saturday, easier to remember that Holy Week 2015 brought me followers too. The past three days, I was surprised by the number of visitors reading my blog posts. It’s a nice feeling to be noticed in the blogging world. Oh and there is 31% more left for me to use.
Blogging has become a way of life….certainly. I could not imagine my days not visiting WordPress. I could not imagine reading a blog post from my WordPress friends without commenting. I am enriched by the things they share in their blogs. I learn a lot too seeing photos of places I have never visited. I am blessed knowing a bit of a different culture from mine.
Read Full Post »
Allow me to rant a little. I am trying to avoid stress but this makes my head ache. Two years ago, my immediate neighbor (our properties are divided by a fire wall and since our house is on a corner lot, it is the only house next to us) decided to have a second floor of their house. My problem started then because our roof near their house was destroyed when debris of cement and hollow blocks rained on it. They didn’t have protective covering so I have to make a proper complaint to our homeowners’ association to remind them of it. After two weeks I went to the engineering office of our town, showed them the pictures of the damage done by our neighbor to our roof. They sent someone to inspect a week after several follow-ups but at that time, no worker was around so they didn’t talk to the owner. In short, they left the project hanging, with just plain hollow blocks encircling the structure, no beams to speak of (and that is dangerous for them and for me too), no enough steel bars to hold it and I presumed seeing the site, there was no building plan and building permit. The framework looked pathetic.
My brother is an architect so I had him check the site from our end and he said the building was not safe. I had a few arguments with the owner to no avail. We had our roof repainted and repaired three weeks ago. Our two painters even cleaned the area where bits of cement got stuck. Two days ago, while Mom and I were having naps, we heard a loud noise coming from our roof in three successive times. Since it was my son’s day of, I asked him to check it, true enough, some debris were there, and it was like our newly painted red roof was scattered with cement powder. I talked to them and we argued, the owner (the wife, I mean) was like a tiger let loose on a cage together with her daughter telling me that I am always complaining so I told her I have a right to complain because this is my property. She hurled insults that were too personal and has nothing to do with what we were trying to resolve. I told the story to some of my friends and most of them told me to sue her for slander and oral defamation. I don’t want a stressful life so I’ll just probably make another visit to the engineering office of our town so they could visit it. Her husband promised that they would put a net but until now, they haven’t done yet and the debris kept raining on our roof. My son took pictures again and we haven’t removed all those debris yet. Come to think of it, at least they should offer to clean it, right? The half sack of cement, sand and hollow blocks we collected two years ago from our rooftop is still lying in a corner of the garden, evidence of their not so neighborly attitude.
I get along well with our neighbors across the street where we live, they are like extended family but this particular one is a pain in the neck. How I wish we could choose our neighbors but they are here to stay. Inconsiderate people never learn.
And if I may add, this is how their structure looks like.
Look at our gutter, it is full of debris. and that dent on our roof….it was two years ago when they started their house renovation.
Look how poorly done it is, this is on our side and those hollow blocks….crazy….
Crude….the coco lumber they used two years ago were left hanging on our property line and when the two painters removed them they crumbled into pieces.
No corner beam done here…..that’s their roof.
Read Full Post »
I’ve never been good at following “how to’s” unless it’s a complicated recipe that I need to experiment on. Sure, sometimes they make life easier but it is different from following rules that you have set yourself to do. The step-by-step-numbered rules bore me. I wonder if I am alone in this because sometimes I do encounter blog posts like how to learn to be happy or how to be a good writer or how to make your blog more popular(taken from the point of view of the author of course) but in real life we each have certain criteria and values that we wish to meet that we think assure us of happiness and success. It is like reading a highly recommended book but you find it boring. Short of saying “to each his own” we have our way of coping and facing what is in front of us. The way you look at things probably depends on how you view life itself. As they always say, you could see a glass half-full or half-empty. It does not matter whether you’re 30 or 50, maturity comes not in the number you add to your age but in the richness of experience you encounter making you grow and learn a little more.
Now and then, I link some posts at Facebook just to share with some friends who just want to click it and read. I was never sold to the idea though of linking it to the app NetworkedBlogs. Although WordPress is public too, it has a different set of writers/bloggers/readers and compared to Facebook which is so noisy, I feel safe at WordPress. Getting across your message to people who love the written words as you do is vastly different from seeing selfies and pictures that speak of what one had for breakfast to where they had dinner all in the same day. My wall and timeline are set to friends only and I don’t allow my updates to be made public. There are things that you don’t normally share in cyberspace.
The other day, I finally decided to export my blog and copy it to my external hard drive. It is quite scary to lose all of the 1,597 posts and all the five years of blogging coming to naught so I followed the advice of a blogger friend, looked at the tools and downloaded export file. I’d like to do the same with my other three blogs. If you haven’t done it yet, I also suggest you do, for safety.
A friend once said that blogging has become a way of life, do you agree?
Read Full Post »
It takes time
for you to see the light,
when you have been too long
walking in the dark.
It takes time
what is in front of you
when your eyes are riveted
to the farthest view.
It takes time to appreciate
what love really is
when you ignore the whispers
of your heart.
Take a moment to see –
the feel of a cold morning
on your face,
the beauty of the dawn,
the wonder of a sunrise
breaking on the horizon.
Take a moment to feel –
the innocent kiss of a child
the warm embrace
the tight hugs.
For they speak to you
Read Full Post »