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Archive for the ‘death and dying’ Category


Watched the live streaming of the Sunday mass at the Manila Cathedral at 8am today. Another inspiring homily delivered by Fr. Regie.  I get by trying to get in touch with my brothers, some relatives and friends through the internet. This is the time when having a wi-fi at home is a blessed bonus.

I  want to share this prayer for all of you out there.

Lord, you are the greatest Healer of all

Please protect our land from the disastrous effect of this pandemic.

Cover us with Your Holy Mantle and embrace us in Your loving arms.

Also praying for the repose of the souls of Nissa’s father-in-law who died three days ago and is still at the morgue of the funeral parlor ( waiting for scheduled cremation on the 29th) and for my friend’s father who died the other day when he hit his head at the pavement near our gate  and probably had blood clot in his brain.  May  You receive them in Your Kingdom to live with you forever. Amen.

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Every year, during his birthday and death anniversary, I would always write about him. Those things that I still vividly remember in my mind. I couldn’t count the anecdotes and stories we have shared in the past. When I stopped working at the bank, Dad and Mom stayed with me. Almost every afternoon and sometimes when I am trimming the grass, he would sit on the ledge of our garage and regale me with those stories of long ago.

I remember, I first learned to read novels and books through him. He would borrow books from their library at the UST High school and allow me to read when I was no longer busy with school assignments. I graduated from those Mills and Boons stories back in high school and learned more reading genre when I started working as a student librarian while studying at the same time.

When we were in grade school, my  brothers and I stayed in the province with my grandmother most of the time when mom won’t be around to take care of us. When my two brothers and I started high school, they transferred my youngest brother here in Manila to continue with her grade schooling.  I remember those days when dad would come home every December break from school and he would bring along various groceries and old clothes (of students) from their school. Mom would distribute the latter to our neighbors  and sometimes  would even make alterations on the good ones for us to wear. I remember those days when Dad would make us sit and remove white hairs from his head. We would count them afterwards and Dad would give us some cents for candies…haha! I remember those days when he would harvest our Formosa pineapples  and cashews from the trees we planted together when I was a kid.  He loved fruits. He planted several coconut saplings when he retired from work, they are all bearing fruits now.

This is one of my favorite pictures of him which I have posted too several years ago. He was in his early eighties when this photo was taken.

I want to share these lovely quotes with you on fatherhood.

“I suddenly remember being very little and being embraced by my father. I would try to put my arms around my father’s waist, hug him back. I could never reach the whole way around the equator of his body; he was that much larger than life. Then one day, I could do it. I held him, instead of him holding me, and all I wanted at that moment was to have it back the other way.”
― Jodi Picoult, Vanishing Acts

“My father didn’t tell me how to live;
he lived, and let me watch him do it”
― Clarence B. Kelland

“A father’s tears and fears are unseen, his love is unexpressed, but his care and protection remains as a pillar of strength throughout our lives.”
― Ama H.Vanniarachchy

 

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And here I thought I would be able to maintain blogging every day this September but it’s not to be. I missed writing  posts for two days.

I went to the  wake of our neighbor who had heart attack. I almost got lost finding where the Loyola Memorial Chapels was. Wrong  info/direction from  his daughter.  Anyway, I reached the place correctly when I inquired from the church workers at St. John the Baptist Parish Church in Taytay, Rizal.  The place was clean, so wide and away from traffic.

It was an unpleasant surprise finding your neighbor who is dead at the age of 77. He was too young to die. And speaking of dying, there is always that unspoken  grief that you feel when a loved one dies. One cannot quantify the loneliness you feel that you wouldn’t be able to see your loved one again except in memories.  Good memories are kept in your heart. The photo album may not suffice, spoken words of sympathy may not be enough but we go on with life in the long run. The pain maybe lessened  but it would always be there.

There are stages of grief that we have to go though.  First there is shock and denial. We could not readily accept that it happened. Then comes the pain and guilt. You wish you could have told them often how  much you love them. You wish you could have talked  to them about their problems  The anger at what happened comes next then depression or loneliness and these depends how strong you are to face such.  Acceptance follows after a while. But some of us do not always experience these stages. We go through life like our right arm is gone. We go through the days remembering, always remembering the good times.

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” 

I remember that line when I read Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. It was one of the best books I’ve ever come across. Emotional but inspirational as well.  And “once you learn how to die, you’ll learn how to live”. 

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Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand mask
masks that I’m afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me
but don’t be fooled,
for God’s sake, don’t be  fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name
and coolness my game,
that the water’s calm
and I’m in command,
and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me. Please!

This is just a part of the poem I copied in my journal when I was just starting college life. It’s entitled  The Mask I Wear, the author is unknown. Seeing the news today and the many tweets on the death of Robin Williams made me recall this poem. How much pain do we hide behind the mask? How alone do we feel after all the laughter and smiles? How often do we see ourselves in others? The gaiety becomes a feeling of anguish after a while.

Robin Williams is one of my favorite  actors.  Although I am not much into watching the big screen and television  reruns, he is one of those who could hold  my attention from beginning to end. I loved him in Mork and Mindy, I loved him in Mrs. Doubtfire, I cried  watching Good Will Hunting.  I am sad that he passed on at such an early age.  His legacy lives on.

You made me cry, you made me laugh. Robin Williams, may your soul rest in peace.

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