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Archive for January 29th, 2016


Indeed, life is a multi-coloured thing –
Dark and blue one moment
Bright and sunny the next.
Every day holds something for us
And if we are to live in this busy cosmos
Of rat-raced competition, fake smiles and
farcical acts of what we call humanity –

     we have to remain firm
     implant  our feet on the ground and hold
     tight to the one last string –
     a hope that may yet come sometime  tomorrow,
     hope is not lost for those who love.

Every day, we meet people from all walks of life
Others touch us, reach out and somehow
Leave their marks upon our soul
A part of us goes, but a more important thing remains –
A happy feeling of knowing that we have made
Someone smile and despite the heavy load
We have  somehow eased the pain and lightened the burden
Even just for a little while.

     every day, we build  impregnable tower
     and hope for something more than just a  simple
     meeting of the eyes.
     we seek permanence among the earthly
     and material things
     mortals and sinners that we are

Life is one big question
The answer to which we never seem to find
Until we are strong enough to admit
That we sre weak  and falllible
Only  then we could be able to say,
We  are  alive.
    

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I found my old tattered journal from wayback. The spine  has detached itself from the pages that were yellowed with age. Has it been 38 years ago? Yes,it was and  this was the younger me.

Dear Mayblue

It hurts really, this empty feeling within me. I like to be strong again just like old  times when I used to laugh my worries away, just like those days when I could wear a smile amidst problems. Oh, whats the use of recounting those things.

I used to be part of the audience, passive and all that but how I came to be the actress myself, I never know. All I am sure of is that, now, there is no turning back, no matter what reality has  in store for me, no matter how it hurts. I must go on. Can’t you see Mayblue, I am trying to be brave.

Some people think what a fine actress I am.  Others perhaps look down with disdain. The only thing that consoles me is the fact that every one of us in this cruel  world  is a thespian, the only difference is that are cast in different roles. Some play the lead role,  some are afraid to plunge their hands in the deep water lest they be drowned. I was one of the latter until I found myself playing the big part of the game.

I was sure of myself then. Call it the magic  of love reigning over me. I looked at life with rose-colored eye glasses with misty mornings and sun-bright days. I was way up and I felt great. See what love can bring Mayblue?

But when you have loved deeply and have been hurt so bad, you see things  in a different perspective, in a different light. I found myself running away from my own ghost, even to the point of  pitying myself sometimes. One thing I can assure you is that, I  never regretted what has been, after all, love was such a beautiful experience.

Don’t be deceived by what you see. Despite that calm facade, that undisturbed countenance, look closely and you’ll see a girl crying inside.

P.S.

I wish you were here. I  want to have a good cry.

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