There are moments when we want to reminisce about those things we enjoyed doing in the past. It’s not exactly a different world, just simple reminders of how life should be. Life is a continuous struggle but then amidst such pain and suffering we see the light and still enjoy whatever life deals us along the way.
Last night, I woke up to this ungodly hour of 1 am and it was hard to go back to sleep. My mind was full of images of places I’ve been to not long ago. I can’t even recall if they were just snippets of dreams I had earlier. I had this fear of going back to the hospital even for a simple check-up. I had phobia of those people lined up outside a doctor’s clinic waiting endlessly and patiently for the doctor to arrive.That feeling of being treated for a simple allergy then they find something more serious than those red marks on your skin. Fifteen years ago, I was hospitalized for almost a week because of allergy and then one of my doctors (my OB-Gyn) suggested that I undergo TVS ultrasound since I was already there. After two years of treatment, there was no option but to undergo a first major operation …total hysterectomy because of endemetriosis. My second major operation was in July 2009. They had to cut a portion of my sigmoid colon and remove the affected parts. A few months after my last chemotherapy, I underwent a kidney bypass and had to be hospitalized again. For almost six years now, I am in remission from colon cancer. I thank God for second chances at life, I thank God that He let me see the beauty of life despite all the setbacks.
Three weeks after my so-called “graduation” from chemotherapy, our friendly neighbors invited us to join them to visit a place in Tanay, Rizal, a two-hour trip by car from our place. I was even hesitant to go, I was thinking I would not be able to endure that trek down the place and the climb back later to civilization but it was one of those trips that I would remember vividly. We brought along my then six-year old niece who stayed with us during the Christmas break. The log cabin where we stayed was still in the middle of construction so we fetched a tent and enjoyed the cold breeze of the countryside. All you can see was the long-range of the Sierra Madre mountains from afar.
We roasted marshmallows, grilled hotdogs and milkfish and brought along a big pot of adobo and a pan of pancit. Everything tasted so good but the company was even better.
And the best sharing about life was done inside that tent with Jane, our neighbor and Nissa, my daughter while the two younger kids were looking for ants and other insects just outside the tent and the men in our group explored the place. Looking back, I felt so happy that I was able to endure the 15-minute walk, a kind of litmus test after six months of treatment/chemotherapy. It felt so good that it was nice again to go back to being normal, if normal means there were no more pain of the IV and the effects of the drug, if normal means going out and bonding with friends and family, if normal means you could forget the endless laboratory tests and the hospital and seeing your oncologists.
Chasing dreams and remembering the good old days, an escape from the ugly realities of life. Sometimes, life is full of angst and broken dreams but it’s nice to reminisce about something that would put a smile on your face again and you could face the world one more time with more dreams to pursue and happy memories to recall.
Just the fact that you see it that way – your appreciation for that time, is so inspirational and helps to give perspective to people. Thank you for sharing this in your gentle, sincere way. You are a blessing 🙂
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Oh, thanks Kelly! Thank you for appreciating it 🙂
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Surviving those illnesses and operations makes you appreciate the basics in life; family, friends, good food, and companionship, and nature’s bounty.
You explain all this so well Arlene, and if the result is a broken sleep with unsettling dreams occasionally, the rest is undoubtedly worth it.
Best wishes from England. Pete.
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Thanks Pete! The lovely moments are definitely worth-remembering.
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Sometimes we really need to get out of our comfort zone to see things at a different perspective then we realize life out there is better. Your neighbors were so nice to invite your family.
I just had my colonoscopy too and though how uncomfortable the prep was it is a necessary test we have to take. Like you I hate those tests as they are anxiety causing moments and the wait is always stressful.
Am glad that you are over the hump. Keep your positive outlook and eat well. Those are necessary to getting well.
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Colonoscopy, the worst lab test I underwent. It was not really the colonoscopy itself but the preparation.
Thanks Lou. I still feel weak at times (mas madaling mapagod ngayon) but life has to go on.
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I agree. I told them next time I hope they just have a pill and water for the prep.
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I don’t want to undergo such procedure again Lou even if in my case, I really need to have one again. God is good and I believed I am healed.
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I am so happy to hear that you have been in remission for so long. What a difficult process you had to go through with your operations and chemotherapy. I just spent the weekend with my good friend who has recently finished chemo and has just been cleared of cancer for the first time. We toasted to the day, to the flowers, to the bees, the friendship, to the dogs, to loves, to everything around us. Sending you continued good, healing energy.
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Thank you so much Letizia. God is good. He will never give us crosses that we can’t bear. So glad to hear about your friend who’s now a survivor like I am. Let’s celebrate life always and think of the positive side. I am inspired by all your comments here.
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It is those wonderful moments that feed our souls for many a year to come because they are the roses that bloom amidst the darkness we are trudging through. Thank you for sharing such a healing journey. I pray God continues to bless you with remission and long life!
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What lovely words, “roses that bloom amidst the darkness”. God in His loving mercy allowed me to experience such pain so I would be able to endure the rest of the journey making me a little wiser and a little stronger. Faith sustains. Life is good but lonely at times. Thanks again Tina.
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Agreed Arlene. Hardship either destroys or strengthens and the choice is ours. Will we get into the battle or will we allow the enemy to overtake us. God will give us the tools we need to conquer but we must be willing to pick them up and move forward. Once you have been singed by Hell’s fire everything falls into perspective. Trivialities are revealed and what is most important is treasured.
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God is good, Arlene!
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So true lolaWi!
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