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Archive for December 7th, 2009


I am quite elated, no, I am in seventh heaven.  When I think of the fact that it would be my last day of chemotherapy tomorrow, I feel this certain lightness of being.  Finally, another milestone in my life is about to end.  It has been a long five months of hospital visits, appointments with my  surgical and medical oncologists, endless laboratory tests and being confined at home while under chemo treatments. It has been a long journey but I am keeping my fingers crossed everything would be well.

Though I am still a little bit apprehensive on the outcome of my latest CEA  (carcinoembryonic antigen) test, I am affirming that I am doing fine and okay. I have mixed feelings actually, if you know what I mean.  The oncologists at UST-BCI usually call the last session of chemotherapy a “graduation”, so I am about to graduate, wish me luck please.

But where do I go from here? I am looking forward to the days when everything would be normal again – gardening, blogging, catching up on reading, visiting bookstores, tinkering with my digital camera, and having detox therapy to flush out the toxic chemicals accumulated in my body.  Taking things slow, living life day by day, enjoying every minute that I am alive and kicking.  I have this dream of visiting Batanes,  if not next year then someday soon.  Oh glorious Batanes, when will I see your shores? Simple joys that make life worth-living.

My sincerest thanks to all my friends and my family who were with me during this journey, egging me on when I sometimes falter in my steps, saying kind words to make me smile, teaching me the value of patience and most of all, thanks for the love and prayers which could never be replaced by any material thing in this world.

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December 05, 2009

Today is my dad’s second death anniversary. Just when we thought we were getting a headway on his dialysis, his frail body gave up on us two years ago.   It is quite painful to recall how he fought  that debilitating disease that eats up one’s body, slowly sapping any strength left, leaving one so weak.  My dad was a fighter, at the age of 85, he consented to have three times a week dialysis because of his weakening condition due to ESRD (end-stage renal disease).  For mom and his children, it’s our last recourse for him to get healed.  One last chance, one last fight. The journey does not really end in death but it begins once you are with your Maker.  I am sure he is happy now.

The dream keeps coming back of course but they are happy ones.  I remember the days when we used to sit for a while and he will regale me with his stories about life fifty or sixty years ago, his struggles amidst life’s difficulties, growing up in the province and finding a way to finish his studies.  What he has to go through in order to fulfill a dream of his own, I can only listen in wonder.

Resilience and hard work are the keys to one’s success, he would say, never giving up despite the odds and fulfilling one’s wish in life, little by little, bit by bit.  My three brothers and I were richly blessed to have him in our lives, a loving father, a responsible husband to mom and a indulgent Tatay to his ten grandchildren.

As always, I miss you dad. I offered a special prayer for you today and you are remembered in more ways than one.

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