Monday Blues (Or Is It?)

I must really be getting old. No, let me amend that, I am definitely growing older. And I always think that growing older is always getting wiser with age. Got this throbbing headache  that won’t go away or maybe it is just a sign of normal wear and tear. I was exchanging texts with a friend  yesterday  (we are both cancer survivors) and I told her, I easily get tired nowadays  and I need to catch up on my siesta every day. Make that an hour or more instead of the usual thirty minutes shuteye that I used to have. She told me she underwent Zometa infusion just last week.   Her doctor advised her to have it when she had a recent bone scan. And I thought, I am not going back to the hospital just to learn that you need more series of tests despite the fact that you are now living a normal life being a survivor. The last time I found out that everything was back to normal, including my CEA marker, I left everything to God. He will take care of me because He gave me a second chance. Living in faith and believing in God’s will.

I spent  part of the morning reading articles by Barbara Gonzales. For the past years, I’ve followed her writings under her byline called Second  Wind every Sunday. I like how she touches on her hobbies, writing and how she get on with life despite living alone. She said that one of her favorite books is Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy written by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  I can’t help but smile at the thought that it is one of my favorite books too. When I am feeling so low, this book always gives me a lift. She always put her contact number at the end of her posts so I tried getting in touch and wrote:

Read your article with interest Ms. Barbara. Re: Simple Abundance. I have that book  too for several years now. It’s like a daily bible  for women like us. I even blog about it from time to time. I am a cancer survivor. It’s the reason why I keep a blog because I have this dream of inspiring people through my journey, that life is even more meaningful when God gives you a second chance. Thank you for your nice articles, I am a fan.

She texted back and said thank you. One other writer that I admire is Lucy  Torres. I don’t care much about her political career but I love how she shares her thoughts and family life  in Love Lucy at Philippine Star. Somehow, every time I read her posts, I always get the feeling that she is a close friend, the way she talks about anything under the sun.  Reading her posts also makes me feel that she is writing about my own experiences in life, they’re closer to home, so to speak.

Having no internet connection for the past several days gave me the chance to watch a little TV and catch up on my reading. I watched Maid in Manhattan a few days ago  (for the nth time). I am in the middle of reading Exile by Richard North Patterson, a thick book on Israel’s history as background.  Now I understand why the Jews and Palestinians don’t see eye to eye.

How was your day?

 

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It’s My 3rd Anniversary (Celebrating Life)

I am quite speechless and so happy because the past three  years have been full of  blessings, health-wise. And I say, I could not ask for more except to utter a fervent prayer of thanks for the gift of life and health. Every day, I feel His loving embrace  and it made me realize that having a life-threatening disease is not the end of the world. The recovery may not be a walk in the park but it is where I draw strength and courage to go on with life.  THANK YOU LORD.

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Come Now, It’s June

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?” – Mary Oliver

What a lovely day to start the month!  When you are simply blessed, you can’t help but share your blessings with others. I was perusing my earlier posts because I was looking for something I could share at our segment “Health Watch” at our Catholic  page in Facebook in which I am one of the admins. I recall I did a  blog two years ago on herbs and spices so I have to  search the exact date that I posted it here.  Perfect time to read my previous blogs and 2010 seemed to be so full of reflections, maybe because those were the days that I have to struggle with  my health. And I always say that this blog exists because of my journey, health-wise, although lately it has become an eclectic mix of different subjects.  A friend asked if I’ve changed my site to a political blog. Nope, it’s just that, since January and the 44 days that there was an impeachment trial, I was glued to the television. I jokingly told him that I had perfect attendance and  blogging about it was like taking exams whether I actually understood what was going on or not. Mind you, I kept notes.

Odette, my friend who sent me those Richard Paul Evans’ books two days ago told me that she’s coming home for a brief vacation in a few months. She told me, no, it’s more like she commanded me to shop online at Barnes  &  Noble so she can order them early. Gosh, when it comes to books, I really can’t resist. Some titles are hard to find here though so I have written my wish list last night. Never mind the fiction books, we have a lot of them here but the truly lovely titles are nowhere in site. So here’s my list:

1. Poems and Prayers of Helen Steiner Rice, hardbound. Back in my college days, I used to collect quotes of Rice, even those I saw printed on greeting cards.
2. Alone by Rod McKuen. I’ve always wondered if I ever get the chance to own another McKuen book.  His Seasons in the Sun was a rare find and I enjoyed every word.  I even blogged about him here.
3. New and Selected Poems – Volume One by Mary Oliver. I never owned a Mary Oliver book because I can’t find one here but I enjoy her poems and writing by searching the net.
4. Why I Wake Early – Mary Oliver. There’s a paperback copy of this at B & N
5. Thoughts in Solitude by Thomas Merton. Back in college, I devoured Merton’s books in the library. How come I could not find any copy here?
6. Facing Your  Giants by Max Lucado. He is one of my favorite inspirational authors.
7. Selected Poems by E.E. Cummings. Who could forget the lovely lines “the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses?”
8. The Christmas Box Collection and Lost December by Richard Paul Evans. I’ve read almost all of his earlier books except these.
9. QB VII by Leon Uris – a wonderful work of fiction about the holocaust and lots of nerve-racking courtroom scenes. Would love to have a hardbound copy for a change.

What about you, what’s on your wish list?

 

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Seeing A Positive Change

I went back to the Philhealth office at Brickroad Cainta Branch and was delighted to see the quick and friendly way the people at the counter do their job. What a big difference from the Philhealth I knew of five years ago when I followed up my father’s claims when he underwent dialysis for six months before he died.  Back in those days, the Philhealth office somewhere along Shaw Blvd. was a typical government office where you have to ask thrice before you reach the proper person to address your requirement and mind you, some of them were not that polite. I  almost gave up hope of ever seeing a  government agency with an excellent service.

Kudos Philhealth!

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Just A Simple Prayer

I received this wonderful message from a close friend who is also a cancer survivor like I am. It’s a one-line prayer that says:

Dear God,  I pray for a cure for cancer.  Amen 

Don’t we all wish  and pray that they would finally find a cure for cancer? And yes, I guess it’s a prayer that would change the world.  If cancer is like your common cough and colds, you wouldn’t  really mind so much  because you are assured that in a few days, a week at most, you would be back to your normal self.  And your family would not be burdened with worry whether you will get well or not and they would not need to scratch their heads every time you are scheduled for that much-needed chemotherapy  because shelling out a hundred thousand pesos for every session of chemo is not a walk in the park.  And your hubby, whom you thought would best understand would not say, “naubos ang ipon natin dahil sa pagpapagamot mo.”  And those words hurt more than having that life-changing disease  because in his eyes the money you’ve saved is more important than you getting well.   And I have always said that you can’t really emphatize with a person all that much unless you have experienced the same thing yourself.  The anguish of knowing that you are not hundred percent fit and you know that you are living on borrowed time,  the feeling is all the more acute because at some point, you would ask,  am I on the complete road to recovery?  Pardon the sentimentality attached to this blog because right this moment, everything is so vivid in my memory – the surgery, the long stay at the hospital, the endless visits to the doctors, the heart palpitations every time you get the lab results, the feeling of being so helpless while  on chemotherapy, the endless prayers and knocks on every friend close to you to include you in their prayers as well, the times that you really tried to show you were brave and strong  in front of your kids, and  the uncertainty of knowing when you’ll get well.

And here’s another picture attached to the message:

All  you are asked to do is keep this circulating,  even if it’s
Only to one more person.  In memory of anyone you know
Who has been  struck down by cancer or is still living with  it.

A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting  Another Candle..

So instead of forwarding it to my list of contacts, I chose to share this in a blog,there is a wider reach that way. In the past, I often wondered why breast cancer awareness campaigns always use  pink ribbon as a symbol. Why not other colors like yellow or blue or any other color for that matter?

Imagine, it took me three long years to learn this, that the symbol for colon cancer is blue.  If I were to choose, the last ribbon (All Cancers) would be appropriate.

Would it be okay if you say a prayer for us, cancer survivors, cancer patients and those who are presently undergoing treatments right now? Thank you so much.

Dear God,  I pray for a cure for cancer.  Amen 

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The Subtle Difference Between Growing Old and Aging

Aging is when you add years to your life -

But growing old makes you wiser through the years!

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Blasted Colds And Runny Nose

This “hanging amihan” thing is carrying it too far, bringing intermittent rains the whole day making the atmosphere even colder than it should be. I hate this feeling of being indisposed because you can’t lift your head for long, feeling woozy all the time,  coupled with sore muscles, aching joints and a slight fever – just perfect reasons to stay in bed doing nothing.  I tried watching TV but there is not any good program that would make me stay looking at the wide-screen.

I opted to listen to my favorite AM Band instead but most of the news were about the postponement of the oral argument at the Supreme Court, the mug shots of former Pres. Gloria Arroyo, still wearing that Minerva vest or the even ridiculous-looking halo vest on her head. One of the leading dailies has finally released the three sets of pictures which the court took of her when she was served arrest warrant during the weekend. Sorry guys, that’ s all you’ll get of la Gloria news.

Anyway, I tried to finish reading another novel by Rosamund Pilcher entitled September. Reading it in starts and stops, I am finally done. One really gets bored with nothing to do.  I am drinking cup after cup of hot malunggay tea which Nissa and Obet brought home from Bohol.  Malunggay is known to be an anti-oxidant, that’s  Moringa for you. I am always afraid of catching colds  because I don’t want  my immune system to suffer but it can’t be helped. Maybe, this is the result  being  busy the past several weeks just before Purple Day (my daughter’s wedding). Fatigue is finally catching up on me. Or maybe,  it is finally manifesting itself  bit by bit, with aching limbs and sore muscles -  that’s getting old  for you.

Hubby is watching TV in muted silence, I wonder how he ever enjoys movies  with the sound all turned low.  I still find it  quite strange not to see Nissa coming home around this time and the gates locked soon after my son leaves for work.  Is this what they call empty nest syndrome? Come to think of it, I don’t even know if there is such one. She’s just a phone call and a text away but it is kind of  different not seeing her everyday.

Don’t mind my ramblings please, that’s how  “under the weather “feels! Lousy and insecure.

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Grateful

Happy new month and Happy All Saints’ Day too. Since  Post A Day Challenge  2011 started, I also made a point of blogging about the last month and greeting the new one. Perhaps you are tired of reading my favorite phrase, “how time flies.” But it does and November comes with a lot of excitement for all of us since this will be the first time in our family  to celebrate a wedding. I told Nissa , it’s  barely less than two weeks to go before her big day. Nine long months of preparation. It surely takes longer nowadays to plan a wedding compared to twenty-nine years ago when I got married.  I am proud of Nissa that she was able to take care of everything down to the last detail with the help of  her fiancé. She was so organized  and they only hired a wedding planner on the day of the wedding itself. I am looking forward to the event. I am also excited to see the trio she hired to sing and play on her wedding.  I always love listening to a combination of violin, piano and flute.  They call themselves Intermezzo Wedding Music. Josh  is a former member of Philippine Philharmonic Orchestra, a friend of a friend of mine.

I slept like a log last night, a whole eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.  I woke up early to attend the 6am mass at Our Lady Of Light Parish. It was kind of sad, thinking of Dad while the priest was delivering his homily. It’s been almost four years now since we lost him.  He passed on before Christmas. I miss hearing his voice over the phone and listening to his stories when he was still alive. And it’s sad that I am not able to visit his grave on a day like this except to offer mass and prayers and light candles at home. We make it a point though to visit him at the cemetery every time we go home to the province. Had he been alive, I am sure he would be very happy for Nissa. Had he been alive, I am sure he would be happy to know that after more than two years of struggles being a cancer survivor, I am now back to my normal activities. I am not ashamed to admit that I was a “daddy’s girl”.

Why do we grieve over lost friends and family members? Why do we feel sad that they are gone from our lives? Why do we recall and reminisce the days when they were still with us? Don’t you think we are grieving for our own loss in losing them? Trite as it may sound, they are happier now with the Lord. The sad fact is, it is hard for us to let go. Let us just think of death as a kind of rebirth to eternal life, a lovely  meeting with our Saviour.

Have faith, move on, because life goes on no matter what we do, no matter where we are. Be grateful for small miracles that touch your life everyday – they make our temporary stay here worthwhile.

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Just Be

One gets bored sometime with all the negative news all around. So now you know, the two teenagers  I blogged about yesterday are both brain-dead. What a senseless way to bring two lives at an end just because of jealousy or would you call that temporary insanity?

It’s part of life to undergo mood swings, ups and downs brought about by sadness and sometimes when it becomes a little uncontrollable, we call it depression. Struggles, disappointments and setbacks are part of the daily grind of living. When we allow ourselves to believe that  we are living in a black hole, and we feel that we are alone in this world, that’s where depression sets in and when you are weak, it would eat you alive.

I remember  a few readings I made when I was undergoing chemotherapy treatment two years ago. The study said that the number one cause of cancer is low immune system, added to that is stress.  When you have a low immune system, you are prone to illness and when you are ill, you easily get depressed too. Being stressed in any kind of work also helps in contributing to those unwanted cancer cells attacking the body. And my doctor says that it usually takes ten years before you can feel the malignant cells slowly prevailing over  the good ones.  You feel the symptoms when those cancel cells are deeply ingrained in your system.  Even if you are so careful with your health and cautious with the food you eat, you can never tell when the time will come that it would be you undergoing the knife and being put to the test and drastic measures of  chemotherapy and radiation treatments.  You could only hope for the best and pray that you’ll be given a second chance at life.

A while ago, a close friend posted this message on his wall at Facebook:  Stupid cancer….Some of us want a new house….A new car….A new mobile phone….To lose weight….But someone battling cancer wants just one thing, to win the battle. Please repost this in honor of someone who lost their battle, or for someone fighting it now. This matters so much to me, I am not just posting it as a status, it’s from the heart.

And here’s my reply to his post: Thanks for this post Paul. I am touched. I always pray for good health for everyone who has in one way or another, experienced battling with it. GO, FIGHT, WIN.

Latest news says that the 13-year old is now dead. His parents decided to have his respirator removed but they will be donating his kidneys and eyes to the Organ Bank.

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Lazy Does It

You heard it right, I feel so lazy today.  This bad cold is killing me, the past two or three days, I had stuffy nose and today, my throat hurts and the occasional cough doesn’t help. I  did try taking a rest the whole day but as usual I could not sleep. For the first time in so many days, I watched TV.  I told you, I could do without it but somehow, reading doesn’t appeal to me at the moment, more so with staying long in front of a laptop reading e-mails. That could wait but this can’t. I’ll miss this if I could not update my site in a day, I am following the Post A Day Challenge 2011 religiously. And it’s not because WordPress  checks my site or something but I am challenging myself to finish what I’ve started until the end of the year. It has become a habit and habits  are hard to break, right? A week ago I noticed that for every post I publish, WordPress  updates the word count and even suggest some topics which would help if I run out of something to say. And I was laughing out loud when I noticed that they now have a word for every blog you post – marvelous, cool, slick, tight, Cowabunga, amazing, incredible, super, wonderful, wohoo – to name a few. I wonder what adjectives they would use for the future blogs that I’m thinking of sharing here.  I really like it and it’s kind of fun.

I watched three movies today, two Tagalog movies on Cinema One and one Star Movie feature.  When In Rome  has probably been shown a lot here but this is the first time I caught it on TV.  It stars Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel. I didn’t know that it was so funny and I was laughing out loud while watching it. The only reason it caught my attention was because of the title. I am curious about Rome, I’ve seen so many pictures of it from the Facebook albums of my friends. Yes, AFCC (my online apostolate) is based in Italy.  The movie has all the elements of a good comedic fantasy, just perfect for a lazy morning to keep me relaxed and laughing.

The Pillars of the Earth, that book which gave me so much joy reading a year ago will finally be shown on September 21 on Star World. I think it’s a mini-series and I am excited. I thought of reading it one more time but I am not sure if I could finish the more than 1,000 pages of Ken Follett’s bestseller in just a week.  We’ll see, who knows?

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