When all you see is darkness, turn to hope, and your heart will see the light – Milan Ljubincic
Now I wonder where I got this quote but I wrote it in a small piece of paper and dropped it in my utility box where list of to-do-things, to-file-receipts/bills and other what-not go. I’m thinking of creating that jar of thoughts (it would be a big-mouthed jar literally) but I haven’t got around to finding one yet. I would trim it with ribbons and spray paint it with bright colors, that is, if I get the chance to do it one of these days. It would be a good repository for those one-liner thoughts that crop up mostly at some inopportune time when you don’t have a writing pad in your hands and a pen to use, then I could carry it when I’m in the middle of filling up the washing machine for the day’s laundry or trimming our carabao grass early in the morning.
I love October. It’s the month of the Holy Rosary and it is my birth month. It’s that month when the days run after each other and before you know it, it’s Christmas. The BER months, as we call it, seem to be the start of counting the days before Christmas. One thing that comes so vivid in my memory was spending my birthday at the Ambulatory Care Unit of the UST Hospital while having my 4th chemotherapy. That was four years ago. A high school friend brought food for the doctors and the nurses there and we had impromptu party while two IV drips were attached to my arms. When we got home, I had a big surprise when my two kids prepared dinner for us and two of my son’s classmates brought sweets and desserts. A friend who is also a cancer survivor like me always asks, “kumusta ka na?” (How are you?) And I will always answer, “I am doing good and you?” Sometimes, I’m not, emotionally that is.
See what October does for me? I wallow in nostalgia, but that’s me speaking honestly. There are times when you have to give way to tears to be whole again. There are times when you have to take a grip and just see things the way they are and not the way you want them to be. There are times when you’re caught between giving up and moving on. Life, they say, is an experiment and you must be willing to accept what it deals you to be able to say that you’re truly happy.
Learn to let go. How many times have I told myself this? One has to move forward and release the breaks. You learn (for real) that life is not really perfect and it is in the imperfections that give it its meaning.
Yeay, it’s October!